Why When You Leave Home, You Should Wake Up From Your Son (even If He Is Crying)

I always thought it was best to leave home when my children were distracted or asleep. I thought that by not seeing when I was leaving, they would not suffer, however I was wrong.

I always thought it was best to leave home when my children were distracted or asleep. I thought that by not seeing when I was leaving, they would not suffer, however I was wrong.

When babies are very young, it is normal for them to be very attached to their mother. And I say that it is normal because it is something healthy and completely natural to mammals. Babies seek to feel protected and for this there is nothing better than being close to their parents. It is logical that if from one moment to another his mother disappears from his sight he begins to cry, so the fact of leaving home when your son is not watching only frees you from that bad time, because your son is late or early he’ll cry when he doesn’t see you.

Why should children watch when we leave home?

It is essential that when you leave home you say goodbye to him, with a greeting, a kiss or a few words of affection. Although it is painful to see him cry, it is the healthiest thing to do so, since his mother does not disappear “by magic” and with the passage of time he will understand that when you leave, you come back.

It took me a while to understand this. With my youngest son, it happened that I left without warning and disappeared from his sight when he was distracted, and he spent a long time running around the house looking for me, when suddenly I simply went to the kitchen or went out to the patio. He didn’t know if he was really inside the house or if he had disappeared again. When I understood this selfish attitude on my part, I began to take sides and reacted. So when I was supposed to leave the house I started to explain to him that I would be leaving for a few minutes and then coming back. Thus, when he was playing in the living room with his father and he did not see me because I was in the kitchen he no longer despaired, because he knew that if he left the house I would go to greet him.

But don’t you suffer more if you see me go?

Depending on the age of the child and the relationship with his parents, this reaction of crying and anguish when seeing that his mother or father is not there, can vary. However, it will always be better to say goodbye when you leave because by not doing so you are depriving the child of developing the emotions that separation naturally produces during the first years of life. In early childhood, the categories of time and space are not yet fully constructed, so for them 10 minutes can mean hours. And here lies the importance of explaining to your child through words, gestures or some symbol that they agree on, that mom will leave but will come back, because when you say “I’ll be right back” that can be an eternity right away. As time goes by, the child will understand that Mom is coming back after all. If you disappear without saying anything, you can disappear at any moment and that is when the child is careful not to lose sight of you for a minute. Remember that you are his mom and you are his refuge.

Will you stop crying sometime when I leave?

The child’s ability to wait and to work out the absence of his or her mother or father will become normal as the child grows up and, together with their maturation process, the parents know how to provide the necessary conditions for these processes to happen. Allowing the child to say goodbye to his mother even when he cries will allow him to elaborate on his absence and thus favor a regulation of the child’s emotions.

Disappearing from the child’s sight without warning can generate feelings of insecurity and helplessness. Never leave home without saying goodbye to your child. Remember that good communication and emotional ties generate an emotional support in the child that will serve for her whole life.

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