When The Little Ones Have Taken Control

Being a father goes beyond providing material things, in addition to clothes, food and love, the rules are also a substantial part of the healthy growth of our little ones.

One piece of advice that I was once given and that for some reason I have never forgotten, is that children should ride in the back seat.

While it is true that this phrase must be applied in its literal sense to the letter, it must also be applied in its figurative sense; the one that refers to daddy and mommy taking the reins at home, and not allowing children to interfere. And it usually happens that one or the other parent does not agree on how to face some situations with the children and when the time comes they end up fighting, even in the presence of the little ones, because they disagree about what the partner of the couple did , causing small doubts about who or not to pay attention to. 

How to correct the path? It is advisable to talk about what we are and what we are not willing to allow our offspring to do, and to remain firm in that position. Many times we give up because it is easier, however, as my grandmother would say, the correct path will always be the narrowest and in the end the one that leaves us more and better teachings and results, no one said that being a father was simple, in what they do coincide it is worth it. 

All as long as you shut up

A typical situation for parents is to please their children as long as the tantrums stop, however attitudes like this only point the way to the little ones of how to always get their way, and thus annoy daddy and mommy, and who whoever opposes its whims, it becomes our daily bread. Communication is vital to solve this type of situation, our children are small, inexperienced, but not stupid, if we talk with them in a space free of tension, abuse, with a clear language, of course they will understand reasons, they love us and they trust us, we must give them the opportunity, if we put it in the perspective that they would help daddy and mommy, they will most likely take our side.

Children in the big bed

Likewise, allowing children to sleep in the parents’ room is the graphic description that our little ones are taking over all the spaces in the house, it also damages our rest, privacy and communication; And as if that were not enough, it causes them not to identify or respect the spaces that correspond to each member of the family, and delays the discovery of their individuality and independence.

They must sleep in their beds always; This should not even be discussed, however there are some points that we must take into account for this.

  • First of all, the room of our little ones must be set according to their ages and needs.

  • It must have proper ventilation and lighting.

  • We must always make them feel safe, it happens that to force them to listen to us we scare them with monsters and other dangerous beings. That is not recommended, because these beings will be engraved in their heads that in themselves at those ages have great imagination, and will magnify all these stories causing them to become fearful.

  • Make bedtime a pleasant time. Adding storytelling is a very good idea, in addition to lots of kisses and hugs, and avoid scolding the last memory they have of us before closing their eyes, as that will stress them out and make their sleep uneasy.

  • Putting them to sleep always at the same time, this is one of the most important points to prevent bedtime from becoming a pitched battle, and it is best to start from small, that way it will become a habit. always be with you.

Adult conversations

Letting them participate in our conversations or even in any conversation that corresponds solely to the field of adults, is undoubtedly another sign that we are allowing the little ones to take control and that is that one thing is for them to have their opinion, to express it And defend, this is of course part of their healthy growth, but they must be on topics according to their age, and they must have the approval of their elders to take the floor. The latter may seem old-fashioned to some parents, however carrying it out will help girls and boys learn to delimit their spaces and freedoms, since mum and dad also respect the stages and spaces of their little ones, all this will ultimately result in mutual respect for their own and others’ rights. A recommendation for these cases is to keep them busy, they say that “leisure is the mother of all vices”, and I think this is totally true, if a child is busy with their own activities, they will not be tempted to intrude on the space and behaviors of adults.

Who shouts loudest wins

: Another sign that is more than clear, very clear, that the little ones are taking control is that they yell at us, nothing makes it more clear that respect has been lost than seeing children yelling at their parents. The screams not only show a lack of education and arguments, but it constitutes in itself an aggression against parents and their authority, which is why we should never tolerate this type of attitude. Yelling at them in response to their behavior is not the answer, on the contrary, lowering your voice will force them to do the same to pay attention to what we are saying, and of course attack these attitudes from the beginning through punishments consisting of a “time out ”is a good way to curb this and other behaviors. To do this, define a space where they do not have distractors, and when they incur any behavior that we consider unacceptable, send them to this place of retreat to reconsider and realize that the actions will always have reactions, but first let us make it clear to them why they are is punishing, and let’s do it for fixed periods of time, and every time they want to escape punishment, let’s put the counter back to zero.

Of course we must also be aware that sometimes the attitudes of our children are a response to our attitudes, so it is important to take the time from time to time to ask them what they think we are doing wrong, and how they think we could be best to improve the relationship, this could be truly revealing, it is a unique opportunity to show them that we value their opinions, and that we accept that we also make mistakes and that we want to correct them, that we can always correct them if we really want to.

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