When Having Brothers Means War

Your home doesn’t have to be a battlefield when you teach your children to deal with conflicts that arise between them.

It is inevitable that there will be arguments between brothers. Eternal discussions, because each one has a different personality. Feeling jealousy, and the simple fact of having to share the same room and ceiling, can make the relationship a bit strained. We all have the option to choose our friends, but not our siblings, and perhaps this makes the relationship as fickle as it is unbreakable. Most have the experience of having grown up with siblings; therefore, he knows that not everything is always rosy; Even so, there is a palpable difference when siblings seek to get along better under the direction and discipline of their parents.

Our role as parents is not limited to celebrating when everyone is getting along, but to using conflict between siblings as a learning opportunity, to exercise discipline. In this way, not only is peace maintained, but character and a spirit of responsibility are forged among family members. This notion is important, since it has been corroborated among professionals that not having any conflict between siblings, in the long run, brings negative consequences, since learning to deal with all these emotions is part of becoming an adult, and then creating a family.

With this in mind, here are some tips to help you when there is conflict between siblings and how to use the situation as an opportunity rather than punishment – all of these tips should be used with children at least five years old. age-:

1. Let them fix the problem

You hear the shout outside the house: “Mom!” In one jump, and badly, you find your children fighting for a toy, for the television, for a space in which to sit, for the room, for the video game, and so on. The first instinct is to solve the problem for them, and decide who has the right to the precious prize and reason for the argument; however, if you do this you do not teach them to deal with conflict. The best alternative is to tell them that neither has it until the two of you can come to terms with your help; that is to say, they have a dialogue and can agree on: a) share, b) do something different, or c) reach a mutual agreement. It is essential that you stay with them to ensure that they are both satisfied and to help them remain calm while they try to talk about their problem, and that way they learn to negotiate between siblings.

2. Write the story together

How many times have we not heard the following dialogue: “Mom, she pushed me on the slide when I had just sat down”, “It is not true, she slipped by herself”; “She did …”, “He did …”, etc.? Again we try to listen to the two versions of the story to favor one, since it almost always happens that there must be a bad and a good, when in reality a conflict always requires two people. One of the best ways to deal with these situations is to give one a notebook and the other a pencil, and agree to create the same story that matches the events. This exercise is essential to teach them to see and understand the other’s point of view, which is elementary in learning to deal with any type of conflict: accepting that your point of view is not the only valid one.

3. Your example is key

If you have a tendency to throw things when you’re upset, don’t be surprised if your child throws a toy at his brother when he’s upset with him. Our children learn about how to deal with conflict from our example. Now, this does not mean that you have to be perfect and that you will never make mistakes, because we all know that even with our best intentions we raise our voices and do not handle conflict properly. In those moments we must be honest with them and apologize for making a mistake, and start over. When we do this we send the message that even when they fight between siblings they always have the option of asking for forgiveness and mending the relationship.

It is worth mentioning that after applying these suggestions it is always important to show them what they have done wrong, congratulate them for having collaborated with you and make them feel capable of dealing with other conflicts in the future. Having conflict between siblings is normal, and to some extent healthy, but this does not have to mean that the home becomes a battlefield, as long as we are willing to take the time to teach them to deal with conflict instead of finish them ourselves.

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