“Marry who you love and strive to love the person you married much more”, this is the secret of happiness.
I imagine that if you dare to read this article it is because you surely know someone who is experiencing this problem, or because you yourself feel that your marriage is turning into everything, except a relationship that makes you happy. Before we go any further, let’s be clear that this problem of being married and looking more like roommates than a happy partner is more common than you might think.
At the beginning of life as a couple, everything is beautiful and life seems rosy, but as the months go by, or even the years, the things that were special lose their shine. With children or without children, the relationship changes and one morning you wake up and you realize that boredom, monotony and exhaustion have arrived and settled in your home with the intention of not leaving.
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There is anger for anything or even, no anger! because little do they speak to each other; there are no conversations, just a couple of strangers living together. It is an extremely sad moment to realize that this is what a marriage is reduced to, a couple who got married full of hopes, illusions and love.
What can be done? Give up? Is there a solution?
What happened with you?
When there are problems, we usually see the error in others and very rarely do we see and recognize that we are the first generators of our problems and living conditions.
Boredom is born within us and we infect it; Yes, this is how you read it. When a person stops having goals, projects, their own life and limits themselves to depending on their partner in this case, they will soon feel disappointed because they hope that the other will make them happy and not to generate their own happiness.
Check what happened to you, what happened to your plans, did you leave them forgotten? But do not stop looking at the other side of the coin: did you fill yourself with so many plans and personal projects that you ended up putting your partner aside?
Many couples start their life together without anything material, but full of love. They begin to strive, to work and together they are achieving their goals. The problem begins when that beautiful couple loses sight of their priorities and begins to work and work for material issues, putting aside time together, serving each other, continuing to conquer, going out, getting closer to God or simply spending time with the family.
When our priorities stop being our spouses and children, everything else no longer makes sense and it is only a matter of time before it collapses. I love this phrase for its wise and timely warning: “No success in life compensates for failure at home.”
A new opportunity
Once you have recognized that the situation you are experiencing is not normal, that it does not make you happy and that you yourself have collaborated to make it happen, invite your partner to speak, to be honest and to take what they are experiencing head on. It is never easy or pleasant. The first few talks are often tough and exhausting, but they are very important.
Not talking about it does not disappear the problem, on the contrary, it makes it bigger.
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At this point in the conversation I must tell you that divorce is not the solution for either of us; even to get divorced you have to forgive and seek to be forgiven. Separating because “marriage is not what we thought” does not really solve the things that we stopped doing. We can change and change partners thinking that marriage does not work and being blinded that the problem travels with us, and wherever we go and with whom we are we will always generate the same conflict.
Talking and trying sincerely together, one more time, will always pay off.