Toxic Grandparents, Does Your Child Have Them?

If your parents or in-laws constantly seek to interfere in important decisions in your children’s lives, surely this article will be very interesting for you.

We become parents as we transform our lives around the upbringing, love and protection that we offer our children, accepting and assuming all the responsibility that having a child implies is what makes us parents and not the isolated fact to procreate.

And that responsibility is our honor and not anyone else’s.

Why do I mention this? For a very simple reason that affects and causes serious problems for many families when grandparents seek to take the role of parents in the upbringing and education of their grandchildren, removing the responsibility of these important issues from parents.

Grandparents develop a very special and particular love for their grandchildren, a more mature and wise love where in most cases there are already more economic resources and many desires to do what they could not with their own children, from enjoying them to educating them correctly and they see in the grandchildren a second chance.

The wisdom and experience of grandparents are an exceptional gift in family life in general, but when these valuable resources are not managed with balance and prudence, they can generate serious disputes, damage to children and even fractures of family ties.

Naran Xandul, a page on family issues, takes up the theme and tells us about some characteristics that make grandparents “toxic” for grandchildren or family life in general.

We are going to review some of them to identify them and avoid major problems:

  • They are grandparents who get into everything they can related to their grandchildren

  • It can be with all the grandchildren or look for a “favorite” or the grandchild they perceive as “vulnerable”

  • They disqualify you or your husband in everything they do, use expressions like “You don’t know” “let me do it” and so on.

  • They compete against you in everything they can try to win the child in everything and leave you out.

  • And one of the most terrible: they manipulate the little ones against you and in favor of them.

According to the gerontologist Bernice Neugarten, from the University of Chicago, there are different types of grandparents and their presence and influence is also different, know some of them:

Formal grandparents

They are those who do what a grandfather should do with his grandchildren, recognize the authority of the parents and do not interfere.

Funny grandparents

They only seek to have a good time with the children, there are no rules, no routines, no order with them, only fun, when things get ugly or you have to educate or correct a child, they give it to their parents in the best of times. In the worst cases, they tolerate you and even applaud your tantrums or whims.

Surrogate parents

They are those who fully and fully assume the responsibility of the grandchildren, either out of necessity or due to lack of commitment on the part of the parents.

Wise grandparents

They are those who are a refuge and wise support to the children who have become parents, they do not judge, they help when asked, they do not disqualify parents and do not interfere with the education or discipline processes of the grandchildren, they are reliable, very dear ones and their great virtue is prudence.

Distant grandparents

Grandparents who for various reasons or circumstances are distant from their children physically and 7 or emotionally.

Grandparents can be the great link between generations and a vast resource of wisdom, the key is, as in many things, in healthy communication between adults for the good of the entire family.

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