To Love Is Not To Depend, It Is To Respect Oneself

To be well loved is to be respected and valued. And healthy couples know it. Know the characteristics of healthy love.

It is very difficult to listen to a friend tell you how unhappy she is in her love relationship; but it is much more terrible to see how she is aware of her suffering without being able to escape from that hell.

I lived through this situation closely for a matter of years, and many times she got mad at me because I told her I was in a relationship that was harmful to her. The truth is that after a long time and damage, my friend finally realized how sick her love relationship was in all aspects; and at last she managed to gather the necessary strength to get away from something so toxic.

But what is a codependency relationship?

This type of relationsIt is characterized because they are like an addiction for both parties. It’s a “You hurt me but I’m unable to live without you” situation.   They are characterized because there are no defined limits, there is suffering, which is confused with love; the person is trapped in a relationship that he cannot get out of but is unsatisfying.

The reasons for not being able to escape from a relationship of this type are varied, ranging from lack of autonomy, fear of being alone and feeling incomplete if the relationship ends.

Why does someone become emotional codependent?

The connoisseursIn the subject they explain that it is usually a behavior learned from childhood and within the family nucleus. A codependent person seems to always choose the same type of partners: dominant, destructive, abusive. The person becomes so codependent that she forgets to take care of herself and becomes tolerant of her partner’s harmful behavior.

Can a couple stop being codependent?

They could if they wanted, the point is that this is not achieved by just wanting. In all types of addiction, a person must admit that he is sick and needs help; in relationships there is no exception. The point is that the strength of the egos and the need of the other makes it impossible for them to see reality.

To achieve this, they must resort to couples therapy, they must meet objectives that help them heal and overcome this type of emotional conflict of affective dependence; otherwise, the best thing that can happen to both of you is that the relationship ends.

Heal to find real love

Anyone who has been involved in a relationship of codependency (and especially if it has been the one who depends) should take time to heal their wounds.

The good thing is that when you recognize that this relationship was hurting you, you don’t want or want to go through the same thing again; You have learned what you want in love and what you don’t want, but you need time.

After having healed completely, she will be ready to move on with her life, either as a couple or alone, the truth is that now she seeks to be happy in a real and healthy way for her, and not be damaged by addiction to an insane love.

Now, how do I know that my relationship is healthy?

A healthy relationship is the opposite. Within an ideal relationship there are also problems, but the big difference is that there are limits, respect, the other person is valued, they are not manipulated, they are not insulted, they do not hit, they do not harm the other person.

There is also mental and emotional freedom, what do I mean by this, that loyalty is something tangible in this type of love relationship, because both know that they love each other and this feeling is strong in both.

Characteristics of healthy love relationships

1 Responsibility

The couple is responsible for their actions and decisions; This allows them to take the blame in case of mistakes and make up for the mistake made.

2 They commit

In the event of marital conflicts, both parties know how to negotiate and find solutions to move forward.

3 Economic society

This is part of the commitment they assume. Each expense or investment is consensual because what is pursued is not that one earns more than the other and thus has more purchasing power. They are a couple and as such both win, both invest and both feel financially secure.

4 Power sharing

Everyone has their role, that should be clear; however, not because he has a stronger character than she (or vice versa) does he have more power. Due to personality effects, it is possible for someone to dominate the other; Despite this, both must learn to distinguish when it is good to give in favor of the couple. Your goal is to be happy together, not to win a battle of egos.

5 Freedom and communication

A primary ingredient in healthy love relationships is trust. This allows them freedom and they can talk about anything knowing that there will be no disrespect, there will be no fear and there will always be understanding and consensus.

6 Shows of affection

Kind words, hugs, kisses, these acts are valuable even if some people downplay them; however, they nurture and strengthen the relationship, so why not tell each other how much you love each other and show it daily?

7 Individuality

They are a couple, yes, but they are also individuals, and as such each one has different tastes, personalities and beliefs. The trick of healthy and happy couples is that they know how to respect their differences, which can even complement and strengthen them, as couples and individuals.

8 They value their partner

They know how to recognize the person they have by their side and they do not need time or space to know how valuable the other is to their life. They do not depend on each other, they accept, respect each other and place great value on the role that the other plays in their lives.

For better or for worse, many of us go through unhealthy love; sometimes we try to convince ourselves that they hurt us because they love us, but it is a serious mistake. The good news is that we learn, we recognize ourselves, we get stronger, and in the long run, we learn to value ourselves and look for someone who truly deserves and deserves us.

If you are in a relationship of this type, try to seek help before you continue to hurt yourself, one that can hurt a lot your self love.

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