Discover the magic phrase, the dream of every parent, a technique to use when children have a tantrum of those who do not know what to do.
Who as a parent has not gone through those moments when you don’t know what to do when your children have a tantrum? to the parents.
I recently visited my friend, who has children of all ages, and it was just time to go to sleep, one by one, each child took their turn to bathe, put on their pajamas, and in line they passed by giving a good kiss nights, EXCEPT the little 3-year-old, who was being rushed around the house to bed.
Finally he was caught, changed and put on his bed, so that 5 minutes later he was playing all over the house again.
The already frustrated mother and father gave up, and the boy continued walking around the place. Without a doubt, this stage of children requires a lot of patience, and perseverance, and they know it very well, that is why they continue with the tantrum behavior for which, in general, they want to get something.
An article published in Viralistas addresses the subject and shares a simple and effective way that is worth trying.
A mother who writes the article, tells how she is helping her only daughter deal with a tantrum situation, and she does it with a very simple question:
«Is it a small, medium or large problem?
In her story, the woman explains that children express their emotions of frustration through a tantrum, whether a toy broke, they lost something they want, or simply have a difference from their older siblings or parents.
To face this situation with her daughter, she began to apply the technique of using this simple question, and according to her words, at first the girl was somewhat puzzled, so she took time to think about the answer.
Then he replied that his problem was gigantic and there was no solution, but he began to calm down, and accepted the mother’s proposal.
Progressively the results were improving.
In another crisis, the mother used the same technique, and the girl immediately calmed down, understanding that the problem was not that serious, and again together with her mother, they found a solution.
Currently, the little girl not only reduced the level of frustration but also approaches the mother directly and expresses “Mom, I have a small problem” (or the size that she perceives it to be).
What do the experts think?
Psychologists agree with this technique because it allows children to do three things:
They perceive that they are heard, and their emotions are taken into account.
The question works as a re-directional of the situation, stimulating the child to think and act, paralyzing the reaction.
They get a correct perspective on things and learn to find a solution.
To better understand the importance of these three things, we will analyze each one of them in particular, and thus you can see that you are not only containing a situation of frustration but at the same time providing a source of help for life.
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Children need to be heard:
In general, not being or feeling heard is the main cause of their frustrations. Remember that children cannot yet formalize an abstract idea, their world of communication is reduced to their emotions.
Be alert to the different manifestations and give it an appropriate name, such as: you are frustrated, angry, happy, sad, disappointed, it allows the child as he grows up to know himself better, and at the moment of rationalization, he will know how to communicate appropriately with other people, and you won’t have to act immature.
Teach to redirect situations:
When you work with an adolescent on a daily basis, as it is my turn, redirecting a situation is the key to conflict resolution, as this implies first understanding the underlying emotions that cause the conflict in the person. Applied to a tantrum, redirecting the situation involves diverting attention from what is causing the frustration and focusing on finding a solution together.
Finding the right perspective on the situation:
Determining whether the problem is small, medium or large is of the utmost importance. How many times, even as adults, do we lose perspective of situations feeling that something that is really small does not allow us to sleep? Teaching children the correct dimension of a problem from a young age is a way to prepare them for real life.
It seems incredible, but perhaps after thinking for so long that tantrums are a very serious problem, today you have a new perspective, which will allow you to listen to your little one and redirect his life with just one question: «Is it a problem, big medium small?