If you hesitate between moving on or divorcing the one you once loved, please read this article and make the best decision.
At the beginning of any marriage, the spouses get along, they try to take care of every step they take to maintain the harmony of the relationship as when they were dating and there were few altercations between them. However, a few months are enough for the struggle to have “power” or reason on certain issues, is present. They begin to see that there are many differences between them, little by little and with some wisdom they look for a way to maintain balance and that the wear and tear due to pointless discussions does not undermine the relationship, ending the love they have.
But then come the difficulties of raising children, the lack of time and privacy to lavish love. The in-laws can also be a difficult problem to deal with, and even routine makes you dream at times of your singleness and the peace that not fighting with those problems brings. Anyway, all they want is not to fight the current and give up. Result: the dream of love turned into his worst nightmare. Even so, there is something that leads them to continue fighting: there is still love and desire to be together. And that is why they seek an alternative “plan” that shows them that it is worth the fight.
That’s what the manual book is about: «I love you, then I insist», by Pilar Cebrián. In it, she proposes an action plan to avoid divorce and thus save the relationship. The plan consists of 10 strategic points that can save marriages on the brink of divorce. You will find them below and I will explain them briefly.
1. There must be love
Enough to feel emotion or suffering for the spouse; It doesn’t matter that you no longer feel sweaty hands or butterflies in your stomach when you see each other, those minimal emotions are enough for you to start fighting for the relationship.
2. Without impositions
It is very important that the search for reconciliation does not come from a feeling of obligation or commitment to one of these 3 aspects: the children and not seeing them suffer, to avoid financial problems or emotional dependence.
It is essential that forgiveness has a place in reconciliation. You must both be willing to forgive each other for anything that may have hurt you. If there is no true forgiveness as the protagonist of the relationship, there will be no room for love. It’s important to forget everything that hurt you and start over, without taking anything out of your face.
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4. Goodbye to pride
A marriage that has allowed itself to be ruled by the power struggle and pride will become toxic. This in turn will make reconciliation impossible, as the “push and pull” to see who is right will wear away any crumbs of love left between the two of you.
5. Beware of “third party advice”
A relationship is two. If when the problems first began they resorted to seeking consolation in others (parents, friends or siblings), they must understand that this is no longer valid for the search for a second chance. Why? Because it will fill the head of those who ask for advice with doubts and unobjective points of view, governed by the harshness of someone who is not in your shoes.
6. Cultivate good communication
They need to stop talking to each other with reproaches or sarcasm. The plan is that they can express clearly, honestly and prudently what they think and feel, without being dominated by frustrations and giving way to solitary confinement.
7. Enjoy each other’s company
It is not just avoiding problems, it is knowing how to have good times as a couple. Here it is relevant that you know that it is NECESSARY for there to be independence within the couple; that is to say, that each one can enjoy their own experiences and that when they meet they can share what they have lived. That way the relationship will be enriched. Even so, it is logical that they have healthy limits that both propose.
8. Giving in is not always bad
It is not that you have to tolerate everything without questioning, it is that both of you learn that if you give up some little hobby that you know hurts the other, it is not only a sign of wanting to save the relationship, but it is a good opportunity to grow. These changes must be made, as everything cannot be expected to remain the same as ever.
9. Use the desire to be together
This in order for that alertness to help them stay in action to provide details that help make the relationship more interesting.
10. Talk about expressions of affection
It is necessary to consider the reasons why the manifestations of affection have decreased between the two. They should know that what matters is that they love each other and want to make themselves feel good.
Finally, it is fair that they know that there are insurmountable relationships and, as Pilar Cebrián says: “Sometimes what cannot be, cannot be, and the solution will be to take different paths.” For now I wish you success in your fight to save your marriage.
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