Every divorce should have a nice side. If you want to know the reasons, then you must read this article.
I do not intend to support divorce, but I must admit that there are such complex and violent relationships that painful separation is the least of evils. I emphasize, they are exceptions where staying together, hurting each other and hurting your children, is not the best option. Here I will give you a reason for it.
This is Viviana’s story: «For years I perceived my parents’ marriage as a happy union. After a while I discovered that things were not as I thought. My father had been unfaithful to my mother on several occasions and, as a result, he stopped financially supporting the house and the family. In addition to this, he had obtained large debts on his credit cards, for which they came to our house and seized the necessary belongings to cover the debt: money that my father had not spent with us. It was then that, tired of this situation, my mother decided that it was time to end her quiet suffering.
Despite the fact that the marriage was irretrievably broken, my parents did not separate until the relationship became more stormy for everyone. They were together for two more years, until my father left home. I would like to say that everything improved, but it took more or less ten more years, until my parents’ relationship became what it always should be and was not, until now: that of great friends who respect each other and have long and pleasant conversations ».
Sometimes divorce can have a nice side
I recently read a note about a man who, after 15 years of marriage, was surprised by the request for a divorce from his wife. In fact, as in any divorce, he was ordered to give half of all his assets to his ex-wife. He, in a very obedient way, did it by splitting each and every one of what had been the belongings of both, during the time they were married.
This can seem humorous and, of course, it is not: it is pathological and speaks to us of a destructive and violent level in that relationship. It is a passive-aggressive manifestation of the helplessness and frustration that the ending of a relationship brings with it, which began with high expectations and ended up being the request for divorce with assets split in half, very literally. If you add to this that, in most broken marriages, there are children involved, the best thing for everyone is that the end has the kindest nuance possible.
With all that said, I will present some points to keep in mind to have a divorce in good terms and thus guarantee the peace of all family members:
1. Talk about your mutual emotions
There is no better way to get rid of accumulated pain, than by talking. Although it may not seem like it, that simple act frees you from the pain accumulated after years of offenses. Make the best of the situation: learn, close cycles. After that they will feel much better.
2. Don’t forget that you once loved each other
Keep in mind that you have loved each other in the past and that is why you deserve respect. It is not about trying to love each other again if the relationship has ended, but about valuing what they were before the conflicts.
3. Remember the qualities that the other possesses
See your future ex partner as someone with many qualities, even if it is sometimes difficult to do so. Your ex-husband is not a monster: they have had problems, it is a fact, but every human being, no matter how cruel he may have been, always has positive aspects, worth taking into account.
4. Take your share
Each of you assume your responsibility at the end of the relationship. In addition to that, remember that it is always best to seek forgiveness.
5. Be firm with the decision made
When they got married they were responsible adults and still are, so they must assume that the decision made was made under those terms, between two adults. Clarify your doubts and do not allow confusion.
6. Seek help from professionals
It never hurts to seek specialized help, both from lawyers and psychologists. The first, to make clear the good terms of the divorce; the second, to help them heal the wounds and overcome the grief, a condition that will allow them to be reborn and rebuild the sentimental life that has been fractured.
We all need it one day, take advantage of it
7. The children, out of the conflict
Don’t include your children in your marital problems. You continue to share that precious thing, and for them it is worth blurring and forgiving. Staying on good terms will prevent your children from being hurt by their fears and problems.
How to deal with your ex-wife when there are children involved
All things considered, divorce will never have a friendly face. But, if you have done everything possible to save your marriage and divorce is the only option, think that it will have a face similar to the one you want to put on it. It can be the release of the pain accumulated by years and the beginning of a friendship that benefits your children, or it can be a path full of thorns, which will only be nailed deep into their souls. You choose, but do it with the wisdom that failure grants.