Not everyone takes the time to get to know the person they want to spend the rest of their lives with, if you don’t think this is important, read on.
This is one of those articles that I was hesitant to write. There are many different opinions and different stories about dating and how long it should last, so I decided not to write it down when it first occurred to me. But after a while, I have found myself not only wanting to write it, but almost with the need: within about eight months, most of the patients I saw in my office were young couples, married for less than two years, with severe marital problems, and all with the same question: “Do I want and should I stay married?” All these couples came from different families and all their cases were undoubtedly different, except for one thing: they were all engaged and married in a very short period of time: within four months of meeting, at most.
I understand that not all people who meet, get engaged and marry in a space of four months end up in a therapist’s office; However, so many similar situations lend themselves to favoring long courtships, since they have many benefits that are not obtained in the short term of a few months. Here are such benefits.
1) They know each other through thick and thin
The first four or five months of a relationship can be considered as a “honeymoon”: everything the other person does is perfect, we feel in the clouds, and we cannot contain the smile that we have from ear to ear. This adrenaline goes down after these first months and we meet the person after this “honeymoon”, and many times we get to see them as bad: this, in my humble opinion, is essential to develop an honest and imperative relationship before consider marriage.
2) They have been seen in all seasons of the year
People’s moods change from season to season. It is recommended that you see a person in all seasons of the year, so that you know and analyze how they are carried in all these seasons.
3) They have crossed obstacles
As time goes on, the differences between themselves come to the fore with conflict and difficulties. These are not the mark of a bad relationship per se, but quite the opposite: every relationship has its difficulties, but it is important that some have passed and overcome before making the decision to be together forever. This is essential, as a marriage will undoubtedly bring such tests with it and it is good that you have already had an idea of how you can solve them together.
4) It goes beyond physical attractiveness
As I mentioned in my first point, the first months are those where there is pure adrenaline and much of this is due to the great physical attraction that is latent between the two people. However, a long courtship provides the opportunity to lower this adrenaline and it can be seen beyond the physical attraction. This does not mean that it diminishes, but that everything that the person is is added.
Although I cannot assure you that these points apply to all couples, I believe it is very important that they be considered seriously since many take dating time as a game and not as the crucial stage in knowing, loving, and deciding to continue loving each other. the person we are with after having seen their virtues as well as their imperfections.