Many mothers commit 1 and 2 without realizing the dire damage it can do to their children; And the mother instinct makes almost EVERYONE want to do the 4.
When we become mothers and come face to face with the responsibility for the care and development of another little human being, we feel both love and excitement as well as anxiety and uncertainty. We are absorbed by a natural instinct to learn how to be the best mother we can. We change things in our lives, we begin to eat healthier, we buy books on parenting, and we adapt every detail of our home to make it child-proof. We arm ourselves with all the knowledge we can and face our new role of motherhood, confident that practice will make perfect. But certainly we all make mistakes in the process.
Some of our failures as mothers are totally unavoidable, like feeling exhausted in the middle of the night when our little one has woken up for the tenth time, realizing at the last moment that your children don’t have clean clothes on Sunday, having cereal for dinner because there was no time to prepare dinner, or hide to savor that chocolate that you just took from your son telling him that he has already eaten too much sugar for today. The reality is that there is no super mom who has never had a bad day, and despite those days, we should always trust our own motherly instincts before the advice of others about raising our children.
But outside of these natural failures and without much consequence, there are certain things that as a mother we must avoid at all costs. These are mistakes that can mark the lives of our little ones in a negative way, even when we make them without the slightest intention of hurting.
Reproach and emphasize their mistakes
Unfortunately, on more than one occasion I have had the bad taste of hearing mothers express to their children things like they do not understand why they are so disobedient, bad at school, rude and so on. Emphasizing your children’s mistakes will never do anything to correct them. If you, like his mother, are the first to declare that your son is clumsy, abrupt or a slow learner, how do you expect him to believe otherwise? Only words of light should come from your mother’s mouth and strengthen your child, instead of condemnations and reproaches.
Make a joke of your difficulties
Never joke about your children’s difficulties. For example, if they are not good at sports, do not discuss with your friends how your son came out “too hard for that” or “with two left feet”, much less when your children can hear you. Emphasize their abilities instead of focusing on their difficulties.
Not treating them according to their age
Allow your little ones to take on age-appropriate responsibilities. You can be a pampering mom, but be careful not to disable them by doing everything for them.
Defend them even when they are in error
The worst thing you can do is defend your children’s mistakes. If they do something that is wrong, teach them that the right thing to do is to face it and make it right.
And NOT stand up for them when they are being treated unfairly
However, if you recognize that someone is treating your child unfairly, react and defend them. For example, if you realize that a bully is bothering your child at school, reactivate and take the necessary actions to stop the situation. Never decide to ignore it or wait for it to happen, as this will only show your child that he has no one to be there for him.
Compare them with others
No one should be compared to someone else. Do not claim your children as the children of another get better grades, or work harder. They are unique and will develop their skills in their own time and in their own way.
Involve them in problems with their father
Whether you and your children’s dad are together or live separate lives, always try to demonstrate a healthy relationship to them. Remember that your children will always identify with a part of each of you, so involving them in problems or telling them negative things about their father could result in them taking it as an insult to themselves.
Give them EVERYTHING they ask for
It is important that your children learn the concept of working for things, and this will be difficult if from a young age you indulge them in everything they want just by asking.