After your motherhood, you may not know yourself. Your childless friends will help you remember that you are still you, but more fully. Get them!
The sea is immense. It is a tremendous act of bravery to jump into it. There are many testimonies of boats that are believed to be all powerful, and that are defeated by the waves, the current and the fury of this body of salt water.
Motherhood is like that. Our world is completely cracking. Many of us can feel lost, and suffer, wanting to be shipwrecked, or immerse ourselves in the world that seems aggressive and critical.
In this text we want to introduce you to an «anchor» that can support you in your motherhood, to avoid losing you among so many other people’s pending, and feeling overwhelmed and alone.
It seems we have drowned
The first days after the baby arrives, we don’t even know who we are, we forget the day, the night. We forget our name. We forget to eat! It is easy to be shipwrecked in this sea of milk, crying and night awakenings.
When the puerper,and “we go out into the world”, either by integrating ourselves into working life, or by fully entering the household, is not easier. We still reel like balls thrown into the air by a mysterious juggler. We have not yet mastered the open sea.
Children grow up, and the challenges of parenting begin, handling tantrums, worrying about their health, friends, school. Suddenly, our life that was sociable, complete and safe before, seems extremely far away.
Many of us feel that the shore is lost wave after wave, and we suffer a lot.
Alone in a vast sea
Not many understand that you can spend all day very busy, running from one place to another, calming tears and changing diapers.
The “outside world” keeps turning. Cars pass in the early mornings. The stores continue to open, the bars fill up at night, and many men and women go out into the world with briefcases and heels.
You look at your nails, and you don’t remember if you cut or bit them. Much less will you remember when was the last time you painted them or did a manicure.
The worst thing is that it almost seems, according to the “productive” world in which you lived before giving birth, that you do nothing.
We need an anchor
If you have the happiness of having a support network: friends, a loving and conscientious husband, the support of your parents or in-laws, this stage is almost without concern.
But still, deep in your heart, you wonder where you left off. Maybe when you gave birth you split in two. Your modern self, your professional self, and your concentrated self have irredeemably sunk. And instead of her, your haggard, crybaby and mom version, has come out on top.
Do not be discouraged. This is all normal. You have lived for decades being the owner of your actions, self-determining. And it is not easy to move forward with your new “me”.
An anchor that has helped me not to get lost in this rough sea, have been my friends without children.
Why look for your childless friends?
1 They can help you resize your problems
Can’t find the special pink headband that matched the unicorn diaper? You really feel annoyed, you bought it to match, and you cannot understand why it is not where you remember leaving it. Finding it is essential for you, you have a social event, and your baby must be “perfect.” These little problems can frustrate you a lot, it is normal for your world to turn completely on your baby.
Your friend will help you laugh at yourself. It will remind you how they got ahead of breaking your most elegant heel, fifteen minutes before exposing your career project. She will know how to remind you of how capable you are, and of the situations that you have come up with.
This will help you remember that the world is not just diaper bags and vaccines. She will tell you that yes, it is important that the headband combines with the diaper, but that the smiling eyes of your baby are enough jewel, and that your peace and serenity come first.
2 they will force you to look at yourself
You give everything for your children. You are able to walk all day in your pajamas to guarantee stimulation exercises, the most nutrient-rich porridge and order in your home. Perhaps your best plan is to fix your house, and you are passionate about re-arranging the bath towels as you saw in that YouTube video.
Your friend will complain that you have forgotten her, and that you put aside the promised coffee for changing the way you fold towels. She needs you, and she’ll remind you that you need to laugh like crazy, go back to lipsticking, and talk nonsense at least one afternoon a month.
3 They give you a break
I remember that I was just giving birth to my fifth daughter, and my husband helped me take the grown-ups so I could have a quiet time. My problem was that I was afraid to bathe, because my baby was going through separation anxiety and I had to hug her all day long. Thank heaven, my friend arrived, and she hugged her lovingly while she encouraged me to take a bath of several minutes that was very comforting.
Girlfriends without children always do things like that. Their energy is still intact, and they are so generous as to take care of your children, put the latest videos on their flawless cell phone, and endure it ending up full of sticky fingers.
4 Being different will give us strength
Uniting ties with your friends without children will also make the strength and learnings of each lifestyle flow. They will be able to open up to the realities of the other. Advice from your leisurely, deep and sometimes hurried lifestyle will enrich your friends still involved in the schedules, effectiveness and productivity of the world of singles.
So dial the contact of your friends and single friends right now. The moments they share will remind you that you are still the same, and help you look at your growth with new eyes.
Do not waste this wonderful anchor, which will help you navigate safely in this beautiful sea, which seems immense but which you will soon dominate, I assure you.