Sometimes we think the romance ends when the children arrive. But when we decide to be romantic, it does not end, it continues in a pleasant and simple way. It is not impossible.
By Denhy Chaney
This image is clear when we have young children at home: the house looks like a hurricane has hit it, the kitchen looks like a battlefield. They dedicated an hour to put all the children to bed, and finally they are asleep and you find yourself lying on the couch breathing the air of relief that at least for this day you are finished. You turn to see your husband and he is just as exhausted. Without thinking about anything else, they watch TV, maybe they talk a little and without wasting time they go to sleep. Your head falls exhausted on the pillow and despite everything you have done this day you know well that the flame between you and your husband is not the same, you yearn for it and love it but you wonder if it is possible when you have no energy for anything else. . The answer: sure yes! The reality is that romance is difficult with young children, but with a little creativity it is possible and very enjoyable.
First, we must clarify that we have to have our expectations at a medium level, because the level of romance of newlyweds will be very different from the romance that one has when there are small children, but that is not why it is less important or less intense, it is simply different. The first thing is to understand that romance has to be intentional, although spontaneity has its place and we associate it with romance, at this point it has to be intentional, that is, we have to decide to be romantic. For this to happen amid the chaos of daily life, our partner must be a priority. We must make time for it, leave energy and spend some time thinking about what our partner needs.
The most important thing is the intention, it does not have to be expensive or last long, but if we consciously think about “spoiling” our partner, the romance will never die in the relationship. Here are three ways we can do it:
- Go on dates: It is essential that you go out alone from time to time whether it is to see a movie or just go for ice cream. Make it something special, dress up, put on perfume or cologne, and make this simple date romantic. This takes planning and finding someone who can watch the children for an hour or more if possible.
- Use flirtation: Don’t forget to be flirtatious with each other. Hold hands when you ride in the car, kiss while waiting for the green light, give each other a sensual hug while you cook together, make eyes from one side of the room to the other, etc.
- Remember the little details: Write each other notes, send each other messages on your cell phone, send each other photos. The idea is that your partner knows that you are thinking about him.
Life with young children is chaotic and we are usually exhausted, but making the decision to be romantic is a matter of aligning our priorities and planning small details, blowing kisses, and walking hand in hand.
Denhi Chaney studied for a master’s degree in couples and family therapy. She is happily married and the mother of a beautiful child