Putting Oneself In The Place Of The Other, The Key For The Couple To Function

Yes, sometimes it costs us and the ego beats us by the hand. But what if we start to put ourselves in each other’s shoes? Many things would improve, not only in your partner, but in the whole of society.

I came to think that my husband was not capable of feeling what I feel, of understanding my problems and concerns, since for him my adversities were easy to solve. Even, I never finished expressing my feelings or ideas, when he bluntly interrupted me saying ” don’t be so exaggerated “, “it’s not so much distressing .”

His despotic and apathetic attitudes grew more hurtful by the day; I thought my husband acted that way simply because he is a man, since they are more practical in solving problems.

However it was not always so; in some really painful situations we could coincide and feel the same pain. For example, when my father died, he hugged me with great force, he cried in my arms and I could even feel his heart beat next to mine. We finally began to empathize with each other.

Why is empathy essential in couple relationships?

My world was falling apart, my dreams of having a successful marriage were shattered every time he acted indifferently about my feelings. Sometimes he cried silently holding a grudge; I also radically changed my way of being, to the degree to hide my anguish, to avoid conflicts or discussions.

Many years went like this, until one day I understood that it was the lack of empathy that we needed to complement our relationship.

But what is empathy?

Is it is understoodas the capacity that people have to put themselves in the place of the other and feel their suffering in a real way. When you are empathetic, you can feel the pain of other people as if it were your own, in order to understand, support and help them.

The couples they need to be empathetic to have better love relationships, since that affective connection will cause them to jointly find solutions to difficult life situations.

How to do it?

1 “What are you saying?”

The most serious mistake that can exist in relationships is interrupting your partner, when he or she is talking. Let her freely finish saying and expressing her ideas, feelings and emotions, so that you can achieve an affective connection. The idea is to identify how you feel, what affects you, what are your concerns.

Remember: listening is not the same as hearing; When your partner wants to talk, pay close attention, nod your head and then give your opinion. This way you will be able to see beyond a few simple words or phrases, otherwise you will be able to feel what your partner feels.

2 “What do you think?”

When you involve your partner in decision-making by letting him or her comment on each situation, you will be creating a bond of communication and empathy. We all feel a special part in a group, when our concerns or ideas are taken into account. Logically, within your relationship, it will make you feel loved, safe and respected.

3 “Why did you do that!”

When I close my eyes, a bad memory comes to my mind, I will tell you briefly. One day I came home with all my things that I had in the office; Upon  seeing me, my husband said “Why did you do that! Why did you quit?”

We are very given to judge someone without knowing in detail what the person is like, who motivated him to act in one way or another, or simply by his appearance. When we learn not to label people by their actions or behaviors, then we will be more empathetic.

Avoid judging your partner, better understand her, understand her and try to imagine what you would do instead.

4 “Why don’t you ever understand me?”

It is normal for all couples at some point in their lives to have conflicts; Sometimes not knowing how to control emotions causes us to say things that we do not want to say, hurting the person we love.

For this reason, it is essential to start working on patience and especially on controlling emotions. Remember, nothing good will result from conflict when you explode and act on impulse. Be patient! Start to give in in some cases, in order to create empathy and find solutions together.

5 Be kind and value

Many times it is taken for granted that the couple must fulfill certain responsibilities to meet the needs of the loved one. Even sacrificing anything, so that he or she is well. This is not to value the efforts of the couple, on the contrary, everything that is done will be seen as an obligation.

To create empathy we must value everything the couple does for our well-being, being kind and grateful.

Fight for love

Many times the lack of empathy with the partner occurs because the affective, passionate and romantic part has been neglected, making the relationship a habit or routine. Therefore, it is time to relive love, to do activities together, to break the monotony and find again those things that both of you enjoy.

Fall in love again! Dare to experience new meaningful experiences in your life, new goals and dreams, at the same time motivate yourself to achieve them.

7 Be clear and honest

When you feel sad or disappointed, because your partner cannot understand your feelings, or you do not receive the answer you want, be honest and clear; Express your feelings. Tell her in a loving way that her attitude is hurting and hurting you.

Remember that honesty is the basis of trust, and this, in turn, is essential to be successful in all relationships.

To conclude, remember that it is important to put yourself in the shoes of your partner, in order to understand, support and respect them. Empathy is something that must be worked on every day, as if it were a plant that must be watered and cared for to grow healthy and strong.

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