Many people think that: “if you educate your children well, they learn to respect others and are not a nuisance.” I wish it were as simple as saying it. How to deal with unkind people?
Mom’s job is one of the most intense, physically, spiritually, and emotionally. Many times we need a pat on the back and a kind voice to recharge and know that we are not doing our job too bad.
On many occasions, we have felt those expressions of affection and admiration from strangers, who congratulate us on our “beautiful family.” However, there have been other times when we have felt hostility from people when our children begin to fidget.
Many people are of the idea that: “if you educate your children well, they learn to respect others and are not a nuisance.” I wish it were as simple as saying it. It is impossible to have the smallest children tied hands and feet so as not to inconvenience others. And what about children with special needs! Like two of our children, or simply those with difficult temperaments.
Our strange family
At present, it is not very common to see families with more than two children, even more so, when they are one year old or less. If you add to this image a mother with a belly that seems to be 9 months pregnant, you have a family almost brought from another era or another galaxy. That strange family is ours!
A terrifying experience
A few days ago we were eating pizza in a busy place. We had already managed to get the children to finish eating without incident. Suddenly our four year old accidentally spilled a glass of soda.
Our little one, in addition to having a severe hyperactivity and sensitivity problem, when some event breaks “the order of the universe”, he reacts abruptly, throws himself on the floor, screams and takes a few minutes to calm down. As we all know his brief episodes of crisis, in general we know how to reassure him, and when it is possible to dialogue with him, we explain that we are going to clean up the mess and that he can continue eating without problem.
However, in a public place full of people trying to eat quietly, the spectacle becomes huge. We feel the stares of all the diners like stingers! One of us has to get the little screamer out of the place and the rest of us clean and eat in a hurry.
The angels exist
On that unfortunate occasion, and having prepared all the children to go out, a lady approached me and with a big smile said “I congratulate you, you have a beautiful family.” “Thank you,” I said with my face still red with shame after that scandal in which we were the protagonists. After those minutes of awkward stares and annoyed people, her words felt in my heart like a comforting hug.
Moments before leaving the place, a man approached my husband to tell him that our family was very beautiful, and that it reminded him of his, since he had had 5 children and that now he had a lot of beautiful grandchildren who made him happy his life. We were really grateful and touched by those displays of kindness!
Relee: Are there really angels? You will be surprised to know the answer.
What to do with the less understanding
Sometimes people don’t seem to understand that the new generations are the future, the continuation of humanity, the workforce that will support the elderly who will be us in a few years. And they just see the little ones as a nuisance. Perhaps we ourselves were less understanding of children before we became parents. The next time you come across a person who reacts negatively to an incident involving your children, or to avoid being offended with an unkind comment or attitude, we recommend doing the following:
When they offend you, forget and forgive, look at that person with compassion and congratulate yourself for being a much more virtuous and sensitive human being.
Have an action plan ready for getting out of somewhere when your kids are tired, stressed, or over-stimulated.
Always have distractors on hand: toys, cookies, books, colors … and when absolutely unavoidable, electronic devices.
Take everything you need with you, from food to a change of clothes to make sure your children are as comfortable as possible.
Try to go with your family to places where children are welcome, there will already be opportunities where you can go with your husband or your friends to more sophisticated places.
Try to choose a time that does not interfere with their nap or meal times.
Make sure that the place is not full of stimuli that can negatively influence the behavior of your children.
Learn to say “No” when invited to a place or time that will not be appropriate for your children.
Understand that from your experience of being a mother of young children, your tolerance for chaos is much higher than that of ordinary mortals. If we ask for understanding for our young children, we must be understanding with the rest of the people who do not have the same patience.
Learn to distinguish normal behavior from a toddler or special child from unacceptable behavior that requires a wake-up call or discipline. Teach them from a young age to be respectful.
And most importantly, support with words or gestures other moms who are going through some difficulty with their children. Remember how beautiful it is to feel that pat on the back. If we don’t do it between ourselves, who will?
Cheer up moms! We are doing a better job than we think.
If you are interested in this topic, I invite you to reread: Young children should also be educated.
You can also reread:
TantrumsChild misbehavior or parental mismanagement?