Sometimes it is not a matter of time before the brothers stop fighting. If we do not pay attention to their fights, we could be seeing the beginning of the end of their relationship. Don’t let your children get separated.
Who does not remember having fought with one of his brothers? It seems a law that the brothers argue and fight but, at the same time, reconcile, do not hold grudges and go back to playing together once more. As the years go by, the fights are overcome and become jokes, long talks and are consolidated into relationships that will accompany us throughout life, whatever happens. A brother or sister to whom we can turn is a little piece of childhood that will always stay with us.
But then what happens to those brothers who stop talking, who do not try or even hate each other to death? When some of these most terrible cases are reviewed, we can find that they have some problems in common, such as the following:
1. Parents constantly compared them
This is perhaps the most serious mistake parents make with their children. Sometimes parents do not say exactly: “You are better than him”, but we say the same using other types of phrases such as: “Your brother got excellent grades, why not you?”, Which is the same as saying: “ He is smart and you are not. Or sometimes we say things like: “Your sister can’t do that, you can do it”, which can be understood as “She is useless, incapable, therefore you are in control of things.” And, one of the most common that we hear at all children’s parties where a brother is the guest, who is having a lot of fun and the mother says: «Say goodbye because your little brother is already sleepy and wants to rest», that is, «Your brother is more important than you, we are more interested in what he feels than what you feel ». All those phrases, believe it or not, generate rivalry, resentment, disagreement and hatred between brothers.
Reread: 3 reasons why you should not make comparisons between your children.
2. Parents or relatives applauded the rivalry
Believe it or not, families applaud and encourage fighting and competition between siblings. If you recognize something like that in your home, don’t allow it. The same happens when only one child is recognized and the rest are not.
3. Speak bad, criticize or disqualify
There are children who easily and naturally earn not only the love of their parents but their trust, or they are more related. The issue that creates problems is when the father takes it out on a son by speaking ill of another and is given power and authority to rule over his siblings, without being recognized by others as authority.
Reread: 5 ways to ruin your children’s self-esteem, without realizing it.
4. Blame before inquiring
The typical phrase “What did you do to your brother?”, Assumes that the other child is, without thinking, guilty, whatever it is but guilty. Observe yourself, maybe you are becoming unfair and quick to judge and criticize. Listen to both parties, seek reconciliation and forgiveness among all members of the family.
5. Have favorites
You will say that is not true, but it happens. And I repeat: there are children who are easier, more accessible, more attached or obedient and others who are nothing like that. “The best sailors are made in the storm, not in the calm of the sea”; Those children, the most rebellious, the most difficult, are the ones who need us the most, the ones who require the most love and recognition. Do not get confused and think that they are your enemies.
6. Not spending time with each child
In the children’s story “Horton listens to Who” by Dr. Seuss, the character of the mayor is spoken of who “together with his wife have 97 children and daily kisses each one and dedicates 25 seconds separately”. I mean, if this fairytale mayor can dedicate a little time to each of his children, how much more should we in real life do it! Dedicating each child their own moment gives us special bonds of trust and closeness, each child can then know that they are loved and special.
7. Give them equal gifts by omitting or not recognizing their own personalities
Parents think that if they give the same toy to both of them, for example, the children will not fight. Nothing more wrong. It is more important that they learn to dialogue, wait turns and negotiate to use an object that they both like or, better yet, give each child something according to their tastes, hobbies and talents. Respect their individuality.
8. Do not encourage collaborative work, service and traditions
When we serve someone we truly come to love them sincerely, because we dedicate our time and attention to them. So for children to truly love each other, they must learn to serve one another, to help each other, and to work together. Encourage these types of activities and sincerely praise the good things they do for each other.
Reread: 3 Great Reasons Why Your Children Can Help At Home.
The relationships that last the longest in this life are not those of the spouses, not even those of parents and children: they are those of siblings. This is why it is so important that our children have healthy and strengthening relationships, because they will continue together, helping each other even when you and your husband have already left.