Nothing will be the same without you, but I promise you that I will carry on.
I saw my mother suffer for the death of my grandmother. He never stopped missing her and he remembers each special date fondly. Yes, I know that I miss her because although my grandmother was a strict woman, she was also loving and a strong support for my mother in the most difficult moments.
To be honest, one of the things I fear most in life is the day they call me and tell me that my dad died, or to wake up to find that my mother is not breathing. Yes, it is something I think about every day.
And it is inevitable not to think about that when you see your mother every day tell how my grandmother did this or that and that when she speaks her eyes fill with tears and her chin trembles at the memory.
The sad thing, the most devastating reality of all, is that I know that they will one day leave this world. While I stay here, living half, longing for better times by her side; willing to give my life for see them again so that they tell me again that they love me, hug me and protect me like when I was a child.
I have repeatedly lost loved ones; It could be said that I know the pain you feel, but the reality is that with each one of them the feeling is not the same because it depends on how much love I had for them in life.
So it is not the same to lose an uncle that I saw a few times in my life, to see my grandmother die, a woman who took care of me, fed me, protected me, comforted me and definitely loved me. No, it is definitely not the same.
I do not think that the death of a father never be overcome, like the death of a child. They are years that pass remembering every little detail that moves you and collapses you; I think life after that certainly won’t be the same again.
It is strange daily how he did this or that, his laugh, his aroma, the song he whistled while he cooked, his snoring when he slept, his sacrifices, his favorite shows even though he hated them.
But life goes on, and I think that what I support the most is the hope I keep in seeing them again when it is my turn.
Seizing the moment while I still have them in my life
That is something I decided a while ago. I used to be a person who remembered the past a lot and worried about the future. Both tasks are meaningless because there is nothing I can do to fix what I did wrong and the future depends on what I do in the present.
So, I stopped worrying about the death of my parents, and decided that I was going to be the best I could to enjoy them while they are alive.
My father does not live with me, so I call him whenever I can, I try to celebrate his birthday and invite him to every special celebration we do at home. Fortunately, my parents have been getting along very well since the separation, so seeing them live together like old friends is something that I would not have bet on in my childhood.
With my mother things are different, perhaps it is because we are women and there is some implicit complicity in the relationship. We always talk about everything, even about things that one is not supposed to talk to the mother out of modesty or respect. We always go out together and I accompany her to run her errands, we always eat together and I force myself not to think about the day I lose her.
I don’t want to be an orphan, no, not really. I think nobody wants to be, but it is inevitable; For this reason, I want them both to feel proud of me, to make them happy from my means and to strive to be the best possible version of me, because I know that it will be the only way not to see them suffer.
Parents and children: a bond that never ends
I do not think that the bond that binds us to our parents ends with their death. I think we are an extension of them, because we inherit many of their physical characteristics, abilities, tastes and even defects, and that makes us be united.
So I think that after they die, my duty is to keep them current, respecting what they taught me, praising their sacrifices. I know that I must continue to live doing the best I can with all that was provided to me; because the best inheritance is not the money or the properties that they can leave you, that ultimately can be lost in a bad business or in a catastrophe, the best inheritance is their teachings and their memories.
To be honest, I am very proud of my family, it is not perfect or the best, but they have been there at all times and despite the distance.
With our differences, our arguments, the bad times; Despite all this, I love my parents and I know that the day they die I will suffer, but I will have the support of their teachings, of what they did for me to continue in the daily struggle until the day I have to meet them again.