Many times we suffer because we see our children grieving and struggling with emotional problems. How to help them? Here are some ideas to help you at that time.
There is good reason to teach our children to be cautious about feelings; not to fall blindly in love with a person before having discovered what they want for their own life; to first draw up a good plan for your journey through this world. It’s true, generally in the younger years, we all tend to live life without concern for the “far” future (read, five years from the present). But it is also true that, if by word and example, we show our children that it is always good to keep the future in mind in our decisions, they will be able to keep the future in mind in their emotional decisions. Otherwise, it will be easy for our children to fall in love with a person simply because they like their physical appearance or because they have a good time when they see each other.
I had a teacher whom I still appreciate, who once spontaneously told me, in front of all the classmates: “Wendy, don’t get married at twenty! Discover first what you are passionate about, what fulfills you; but don’t get married so young! ». At that time, I was seventeen years old and I thought it was possible that in the next (and eternal) three years to go, I would have discovered enough to be able to get married if I wanted to. I thought: “Isn’t marriage one of the noblest aspirations that we harbor in our youth?”
Without going into much detail, I will say that I did not listen to my teacher, and before the end of the year, I promised to marry a young man four years older than me, my first boyfriend. It was a very beautiful courtship, very rosy, where there was nothing but joy and illusion. Except that a month before the wedding, I was bitterly surprised that he was withdrawing his engagement …
It was an emotional shock of gigantic proportions and at a very bad time, because the enrollment date for the next school year at the university had passed. Now I would have to figure it out to find something productive to do, since my plans to move to your country were never going to materialize. Three months went by in which leaving the house was torture. I never failed to run into someone who, with good intentions or pure curiosity, asked me how I was feeling. Responding positively to such a loaded question back then was a real nightmare.
One fine day I decided to put into practice the advice that my parents and uncles lovingly gave me, and I realized that life was moving on. It was an intensive emotional course, from which I managed to graduate with great regret, but always supported by my family. Now I share with you what we all learned together in those long and tiring months while we tried to collect the pieces of my heart, in case you have to help a child of yours in similar conditions:
If someone does not want to be with you, do not insist
It is a truth as lapidary as it is painful, but the truth is that there is no reason why someone should try to stay in a relationship where the other person has put an end to it. It is better to remain as a good memory of something positive and not as the annoying person who, far from reconquering the love of the other person, ends up being remembered as a stubborn plague. The family should be involved only to support their loved one who is suffering at the time. You should not look for the other person. You don’t have to worry about what they will say, or give detailed explanations to those who ask questions. This is the time to cement the family union and use all our faculties towards something positive: Help our child to get up from that blow.
Forgive immediately, and totally
Individually and as a family, we should not have bad feelings for anyone, ever. The person who walks away is actually doing us a favor: he frees us from something that, in the long run, wouldn’t have worked anyway. We must not seek revenge, or invent rumors, or hate the future partner of whom almost became part of our family. Nor should we damage the property, much less the reputation of the person. Where love existed, there must be the attitude of civilized people. Each member of the family must behave like a lady or a gentleman. This is an excellent time to examine ourselves and purge any bad feelings from our hearts.
Help your child not to stagnate
In these cases, it will break your heart to see your child cry all he should. The end of a relationship feels like the death of a loved one, and it is natural to go through the grieving process. We must recognize that at first, you will be numb to pain; Perhaps you refuse to accept reality and believe that the situation has a solution. Little by little, with your help, the realization will come that this really was an end, and that reality has already changed … There the pain and total sadness will invade him before what has no remedy. Tears are the most effective and sincere way to remove excess pain from the heart, little by little, until he or she feels that the last tear has been cried. No one can tell you to rush that process. Be patient with your child. Assure him that “this too will pass”, his ex-partner is moving on with his life. Saying that to your child is not cruel or insensitive. The reality is that we do not control anyone’s life, other than our own. Help your child go her own way. With help, anything is possible!
There are many other things to cover in this topic, but in the meantime, invite your child to raise his head. There are things that help, like the simple invitation to walk, taking in the fresh air.