Harassment or romance? How to know and set limits.
A young Spanish man fell in love with a young woman who was traveling on the same tram one night on her way home. To look for her, he decided to write her a letter, a love letter?
A romantic and unrealistic letter
The story of Sergio Martinez was known through Up Social, other media and through social networks, by a letter that he himself wrote in order to see her again to meet her, because according to he “fell in love” with her at that moment and as his own words put it: «I would like to have gathered the courage to get you out of the hell you were going through and make your night happy. I wish I had reached out to you.
So far most people, and I admit it myself, I thought it was a romantic declaration of love, but it was not until the “girl on the tram” appeared and expressed through another letter her point of view about “That moment” so romantic.
A very unromantic reality for a love letter
The story becomes a nightmare for the young man, when the response of the longed-for “intended” arrives and expresses how she lived the situation as a woman and as a young man.
In her letter, in a clear and simple way, she puts us all in perspective of the real situation, she writes “I am the girl on the tram”, the text is titled.
I just wanted to get home to sleep after the holidays. I was exhausted. However, there is no rest for women, not even in public transport », and he continues, « it is not the first time (they have looked at me in the tram), but you never get used to it (…) You pay attention to your surroundings, you value the risk of the situation, you hope that he does not approach you and when you get home you write to your friends so they know that you are fine .
As you will see, she lived a clear situation of emotional abuse, in which the young man was observing her all the time, and assuming that she needed “his help”, when in truth she was terrified of his presence and of how he did not he took his eyes off her.
Street emotional and physical harassment
I grew up in a relatively small city in Argentina, a country where women stalking women in the streets through “piropo” (free random verbal expression of women, it can be good or very ordinary) is an everyday thing. Something so popular that you even come to accept it as a good thing, as long as it is a flattering compliment. Over time and culture change I learned and understood to differentiate between a romantic act on the part of the man and an act of emotional harassment, be it personal or street.
Emotional limits, more clearly impossible
Through the limits you learn to know the needs of the other, well it says that your rights end where those of the other begin. The difficult thing is learning to stay within your limits, and even more difficult, is to respect the EMOTIONAL limits of the other.
It is not easy to determine them, because when we talk about emotions, many times we do not even know how to recognize them.
Let me explain to you, using the example of the young man on the tram, in what way the young woman’s emotional limits are surpassed by constantly observing in a public place, but without the possibility of escaping, at an unsafe time, and with all the possibilities open to let the worst happen.
There is a very fine line to recognize them, but as soon as “YOU FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE” is your warning signal, also KNOWING YOURSELF, your strengths and weaknesses is of great help.
According to a Journal of Psychology and Psychortherapy these are ways to set emotional limits:
- Do not allow your privacy to be invaded with words.
- Knowing how to say NO to what you don’t want to do.
- Do not consent to comments of which you do not agree.
- Recognize when you are being emotionally blackmailed.
- Distinguish what you want to do and what you don’t want to do
- Do not give in for fear of an authority such as your boss, teacher etc.
Your emotional limits apply to all situations in life
An article published in The Mind is Wonderful clarifies that this concept in ‘the range of possibilities’ in these well-known situations can be immense, but the endings are never usually good.
Life, as we already know, tests us almost every day through multiple situations where many emotions are put into play. Knowing how to manage them and “knowing how to protect ourselves is essential”
Always remember for the good of yourself and your family that you must recognize emotional limits and teach your children to protect themselves. Do not get carried away by socially accepted erroneous popular beliefs that harm the human being in all its essence, and as in this case a woman, and remember that in true love, no one can guess what you feel or need, and if you don’t Look, it’s because he doesn’t love you, it’s that simple.
*** Editor’s note: the story was told according to the quoted publication.