How loyal are you to your principles? Sometimes you need to follow your heart.
One of the great values that are mentioned in society is loyalty. It is one of the concepts in which we least do a personal review. Next I will tell you why it is important.
To begin, it is important to define what loyalty is and what it does.
Loyalty has been defined as the courage to abide by the laws of fidelity and honor. When we speak of loyalty, it refers to the relationship that is maintained before a specific social group. Even complying with the laws of the country is talking about that loyalty to our compatriots.
If we distinguish that the laws are modified from country to country, you can imagine that, when we talk about something minor, the laws also change from social group to social group.
And if we think of the first social group where a human being interacts, we can also conceive that there is a loyalty to the family. This first loyalty ensures survival, by belonging to the group that will sustain you in the first moments of life.
Family loyalties are not something that is named as such, however, it is well known that each family has certain values, norms, customs, and traditions. Growing up in a family, many of these are explicitly named.
In a certain way it seems a natural response how we absorb the way we behave in the family, including what role we take in the family dynamics. And it is sometimes part of this, the answer to how we relate to the world.
Other loyalties are intrinsic, and they become what the author Borzsomenyi-Nayi calls invisible loyalties. These invisible loyalties have an effect on all of our interpersonal relationships.
When we start relationships with other peers we enter into conflict. The values that we instill in the family are shaken by friends. They invite us to do things that do not always go in the direction they indicated. This is where you start looking at what other values are in other groups.
As children, we defend to the world what our parents tell us. But when we grow up, we sometimes feel between a rock and a hard place. Between the possibility of belonging to a certain group, or the possibility of following the guidelines that our family gave us. We begin to savor what it is sometimes like to break with certain ideas. Especially in adolescence we seek to emerge our identity. We try those ideas, and we try new ones, looking for ourselves.
When we decide to make a formal life as a couple there is a difficult obstacle to jump. Both are loyal to their family values of origin and clash with each other in decision making. This is one of the great couple issues when there are strong differences. It is very difficult for each one, in this matter of “leaving your father and mother”, to go beyond their mandates to be able to create withthe new couple new mandates as a new family.
With the children
Much of what happens to us with the couple will have an effect on the children. Sometimes we do not tolerate what they repeat from their parent, precisely because it breaks with the values and loyalties of the family of origin, because we have not agreed as a couple.
Also in the search for their children for their own identity, they often question and confront on this issue the values, beliefs, mandates that we follow, often out of blind love, out of family loyalty. It is not easy to be confronted, especially since sometimes we only follow certain beliefs just out of love for our family.
In our relationship with ourselves
How many times do we not give ourselves permission to do something, even to succeed, because of certain family beliefs? They are very subtle beliefs that we cannot even identify at times, but that become a bond that does not allow us to move forward. Some examples:
-How to be a couple: sometimes we still have the traditional idea of a couple, where the woman serves the man, and the man provides. This idea is not bad, however, given the new paradigms of equity, it is usually a difficult subject where we do not dare to create something new.
-How to be parents: parents used to not clean babies, or bathe them, and mothers did not work. Exercising parenthood in a different way sometimes makes us feel guilty towards our family of origin, sometimes even strangers. We even refuse to do things but not out of rejection, but out of not wanting to break a family belief or loyalty.
-Success: sometimes the issue of having money, or a good life sensitizes a family issue. Sometimes the family says that the rich are thieves or abusers. How can we generate abundance in this way if it means becoming a bad person in the eyes of our family? And without even realizing it or making it conscious, we refuse to be successful.
How to link then?
This does not mean that you should be unfair and break everything. It just means that you can choose, how to be loyal and connect with your family in a conscious way.
Loyalties are a subject to review and work deeply, in family history, in sayings, in repetitions, because that is where our loving heart, without realizing it, blindly becomes entangled. This entanglement is the one that often does not allow us to advance to where we want to go. Much less imagine going further.
Be loyal to yourself
Review everything your family says on the topics in which you feel stuck, for example if you feel that you are not making progress on the subject of money, or relationship, check what your friends and family say on the subject.
Once you review it, check how you feel about what they say, what you agree on, and what you think is an obstacle to moving forward.
Study what other belief options there are. Choose the healthiest for you. Write it in places that remind you. Start doing things according to those new phrases. So that you do not feel that you are unfair, begin to bond with those people who believe otherwise from a place you choose, from beliefs that are healthy and share, or from things that they do and unite them. In this way, you reinforce the bond from a healthy place, and at the same time heal the beliefs in order to move forward.