Do you love someone or do you depend on them to be happy? Knowing the difference will help you to be truly happy
A song that the singer José José sings says that “We all know how to love but few know how to love”, I must say that there is enough reason in this; however there is also a great truth and difference between loving and emotional dependence.
But what is emotional dependence?
The page of the Association and Socioadictions Research by its acronym AIS, explains that this is “defined as a persistent pattern of unsatisfied emotional needs that are tried to be covered in a maladaptive way with other people (Castelló, 2000)”.
In other words, it is an AFFECTIVE NEED that needs to be covered by the person who is believed to feel affection.
According to the same page, statistically it is more frequent in women than in men, with 75 percent of women being emotionally dependent on their partners.
The reasons why it is thought that women are more prone to emotional dependence is that they are more empathetic and the affective bonding in us is deeper.
Thus the matter, emotional dependence turns out to be a problem that many people have to deal with daily because they cannot make a distinction between it and love. These differences are those that I will expose below and that the psychology and mind page explains in detail.
Differences between love and emotional dependence
1.When it comes to being close to the other person
In emotional dependence the person needs the contact of his partner so as not to feel incomplete; that is, “it requires the other so that the feeling of discomfort disappears.”
On the other hand, in love the company of the other is something that produces well-being
2.The experience of sharing life with the other
In love, each moment and stage that is lived as a couple is enjoyed by the meaning that as people is given to the experiences as a couple, everything is a set of experiences that are enjoyed to the fullest.
In emotional dependence it happens the other way around; that is to say, in the relationship the person who depends on the other needs to identify specific aspects that help her to distinguish the importance that her partner has had in her life.
An example of this situation is that he differentiates between what his life was like when he lived with his roommate or apartment when he went to university and the change that his life has had now that he has a partner, the friends he has made thanks to the relationship, the “Acquired independence” thanks to it.
3. The limits within the relationship
In this regard, when talking about love in a couple, both are clear that for the relationship to prosper, sacrifices and concessions must be made, both aspects must be reasonable and may even be subject to change without this being a problem for both. parts.
In a relationship where there is emotional dependence, there are a series of established rules to which the couple must adapt yes or yes. This situation causes emotional dependence to increase as the details are taken care of so that the relationship lasts.
4.Well-being within the couple relationship
When talking about love as a couple, both parties are concerned that the other person is happy and feels good about the contact and mutual experiences.
But in an emotionally dependent relationship, there are a series of established rules that become the daily life of the couple, which is based on making the relationship comply with the “rituals” established so that it is as stable and predictable. possible.
5. Love the person or want what he offers?
When a couple loves each other, the objective is the person as such, what they feel, live and experience by their side as a whole, since there is a connection and a strong bond that unites them.
Meanwhile, in a relationship where there is emotional dependence, what has value is what the partner provides; each and every one of the benefits that have been obtained thanks to that relationship.
6. Regarding the time that is shared
In a relationship where love prevails, there is freedom for each of the parties. The couple knows that it is not an obligation to be with the other person, that they are with them because they want to and share their time with pleasure and not out of duty.
However, in a relationship of emotional dependence, there is an established routine that is expected to be fulfilled, if this does not happen the problems do not wait.
When a couple loves each other, whether both people have good or low self-esteem, it is not affected for better or for worse by their life partner.
Compared to an established partner under emotional dependence, this makes self-esteem (self-esteem) worse (if you have low self-esteem).
The reason why self-love declines is because of the feeling of being vulnerable and in the hands of the other.
From all points of view it is much better to love than to depend, that is why whoever feels that they are in a dependent relationship seek help, it is good for themselves and their future relationships.