“In the third stage, is when they go in search of a new love believing that the relationship failed”, in which are you?
The psychologist Jed Diamond discovered the stages of love. She worked as a couples and family therapist for more than 40 years and realized that love has 5 stages and that most people when they reach the third stage go in search of a new love, believing that the previous relationship failure.
Everyone wants to have a love, someone with whom to grow old together and share important moments of their lives. But few are willing to go beyond the third stage, which is why we see so many divorces.
Dr. Jed explains that many people believe they were with the wrong person, but it is because they do not understand that the third stage is just the beginning of a strong and lasting love.
Stage 1: Falling in love
This is the stage that everyone has ever experienced. It is when we meet the person we love in the future, you imagine that that person is going to satisfy all your desires and complete your life. It is when the body releases hormones like dopamine, which gives a feeling of happiness and satisfaction. The couple in love believes that these feelings will last forever, but it is not entirely so.
Stage 2: They become a couple
At that moment the couple falls in love more, the feelings touch more and they become a couple. Usually at this stage the two of you get married and have children. They build a family and, having the difficulties of raising children, the love between them runs deeper and develops more. It is then that the couple feels united, safe, happy and comfortable.
Stage 3: Disappointment
For many couples this stage is the beginning of the end. The two of you start to get angry over little things and feel less loved. They feel they must get out of this trap. They wonder where the person they loved is and where that relationship went. Why does one in the couple or the couple decide to separate?
Dr. Jed explains that this phase can only be viewed as “hell.” But it is actually very important to the relationship. It is the opportunity that the couple has to burn all the illusions they had for each other and to learn to truly love each other. It is when you stop having “projections” of each other and you love the person you married.
Stage 4: They create true and lasting love
After surviving the third stage and realizing what causes pain and conflict in the relationship, the couple can develop a stronger and truer love. During this stage, the two become allies and try to help the other heal any trauma or fear. They accept each other as they are.
Stage 5: The power of two is used to change the world
If a couple cannot resolve their own conflicts and they learn to love themselves, they will not be able to change the world around them. We see so many disasters on the news, people doing harm to others, disasters. But a couple is capable of changing the world around them and spreading love if they nurture others with that love.