I wish the unfaithful would one day understand the terrible pain they cause when in the name of love they hurt those who love them the most.
Thanks a million for having thought of me at the time of your suffering. I would love to know exactly how to help you, but I don’t know, so I decided to do what I know how to do, write you a letter. I don’t know if it will help you at all, but I am going to share a very intimate piece of my life and what I learned, in the hope that it will help you too.
When I was 8 years old, my school was going to celebrate Father’s Day. We all had to make a key ring with the initial of our father’s name, my problem was that I didn’t know what initial to put. Not because I didn’t know my father’s name, but because he decided to abandon my mother and me when I was 4 years old. If he put the initial of his name, he would have no one to give it to. That was the first time I realized that someone had broken my heart.
Read Unfinished Loves and Infidelity
With 8 years, and 4 of denial, for the first time I realized that he would never return, I realized that he would not be with me when I turned 15, nor when I received or married. He was not with me when I had my two daughters. In that moment I realized that my life would be incomplete forever.
Nothing hurts more in life than loving someone unconditionally and being betrayed. You spend your life trying to find the reasons why that person decided to stop loving you, why they decided to leave your life and did not give you the opportunity to be happy. You blame yourself, you compare yourself, you analyze yourself, and you mourn the loss day after day. People tell you that time will heal it, but it doesn’t seem possible. And so the days, weeks, months and life go by.
Dear reader, although my experience is not even similar to yours, I know the pain you feel and I know the despair that comes from knowing that nothing you do can erase it. It doesn’t matter how many tears you cry, or how much you beg, it doesn’t matter what you did and what you do doesn’t seem to matter either. You do not see the exit and you do not know what to do, but in the midst of all this chaos there is someone who you have forgotten and who while you breathe, will be with you. You have forgotten to love the most important person in your life, you have forgotten to love yourself.
Read Do not judge someone who forgives an infidelity
I would love to know exactly how to help you, and like magic to be able to ease your pain, but I don’t have the wisdom to do it. The only thing I can do is share with you what life taught me in the hope that at least one of my words will ease, even for an instant, your heart.
Life has taught me…
… That betrayals never have anything to do with the victim, betrayals only have to do with the selfishness of the one who betrayed you.
… that those who betray did not understand anything about love.
… That no one comes to know happiness unless they have ever cried.
… that if you leave this world without having loved with intensity, not a minute of your life was worth it.
… that betrayals never end well, in the long run or in the short, life takes its toll on you.
… That whoever hurts in the name of love has never loved.
… that although forgiving is divine, and being wrong human, if you do not forgive you will never be happy again.
… That children understand the true essence of love: they love you after one minute of meeting you, they take five seconds to forgive, and one second to forget.
… That there is nothing wrong with giving second chances, as long as you know that you run the risk of suffering again.
… that if you don’t risk, you run the risk of not winning.
… that if you forgive you must forget, otherwise the torture continues.
… that nobody takes away what you danced.
… That the best medicine when the world collapses on your shoulders is to occupy your time serving others.
… That friends are the best remedy for the soul.
… that laughing at what happens to you is healthier than the alkaline diet.
… That every second invested in yourself will always be the best second of your life.
… that begging is only good when what you ask for is really good.
… that pride is the worst enemy of love.
… That advice is welcome, but only you know what it feels like to be in your shoes.
… That the worst thing you can do is make decisions to please others and disappoint yourself.
… That no matter how great the pain you feel today, tomorrow will only be a memory.
… That no man or woman deserves your tears.
… That until you make the decision to stop feeling sorry for yourself, you will never stop suffering.
… that if you forgive and forget, love will knock on your door again.
… that this too will pass.