Although infertility difficult does not have to define your marriage, find out how.
One of the first couples I worked with when I was doing my master’s degree taught me a lot about infertility and how it affects marriage. Of course, when they showed up at the clinic they didn’t come for that reason, what’s more, infertility wasn’t even mentioned until much later, when it became obvious that what we were doing wasn’t working. The husband was very angry against his wife and the wife did her best to satisfy him in everything; they had a lot of conflict and no longer knew what to do. After investigating and realizing that the wife was infertile, I concluded that this was the root of the problem and that we had been working on secondary things that came as a result of infertility.
Although it doesn’t have to be that way, infertility often defines marriage and the relationship between a couple. This remains true even when the couple has been able to adopt, as was the case in this marriage, since the husband felt an emptiness and the wife a lot of guilt but neither had spoken of the subject. Infertility was an invisible monster present in their relationship and it was just a matter of changing a few things in order to heal the wounds that this condition brings with it. If you also have infertility problems, I recommend this other article: Eight tips to find happiness in the midst of infertility
Here are some concepts and aspects that need to be discussed so that it does not continue to eat away at the relationship from within.
1. It is no one’s fault
It is important that you first internalize that infertility is not anyone’s fault, especially your partner. It is not fair, nor good for the relationship, to maintain a notion that it is their fault that they do not have children of their own; since, believe me, if this person could make a wish, it would be to not have this condition. So the best thing is to accept that this is your reality, without blaming anyone and see infertility as the problem and not your partner.
2. Talking about the wound is good
Although it is not anyone’s fault, it is inevitable that it hurts, and that it is very difficult both individually and for the couple itself. Talking about this wound, without guilt and without anger, is not bad for the relationship since the pain should not be ignored, because if it is done it only grows. The important thing is to experience it together and that this makes them grow as a couple, remember that both of you are suffering, not just you.
3. It’s not your whole relationship
It is important to view infertility as part of the relationship and not what defines it entirely. It is essential that the two of you are together fighting against all that infertility brings with it, rather than letting it become a problem that will eventually separate you. In this article you will find tips to stay calm while waiting for pregnancy: What to do when you want a child and it does not arrive?
Although the problem of infertility is one that brings with it a lot of pain, usually this is a silent and almost invisible pain; don’t let this deteriorate your relationship. Talk about how you feel, how you can cope together, and comfort each other, rather than letting each other turn into a monster.