If you feel helpless in the face of adversity, or you think that everyday challenges are too difficult to overcome, or that you cannot change your life, then this article will help you.
In a previous article we talked about learned helplessness. The theory of learned helplessness is linked to the onset and maintenance of clinical depression and other mental illnesses, consequences of the perception of inability to control the outcome of a situation.
This helplessness plunges you into a state of continuous hopelessness, because you begin to convince yourself that you cannot – now or ever – modify the circumstances in which you live and that, no matter what you do, things will not improve, they will stay the same.
You feel helpless in the face of adversity and you think that your life will be a long winter night, and you go from a mistaken belief to a hopeless experience. Therefore, I share some simple strategies to unlearn it. My professional experience has allowed me to work on this topic a lot with both children and adults:
Short and realistic goals
Start with goals that you can accomplish in a short time; For example, if you’ve already taken a test many times, instead of continuing to tell yourself, “I’m not going to make it,” organize an action plan, get new study materials, come up with a schedule of topics, study with someone else, attend to consultation classes, ask if you have the opportunity to be shown your corrected exam and see what your mistakes were.
Nothing is immovable
Try to convince yourself that everything can be changed, even death is changed into life through organ donation or belief in resurrection. Yes, there are hard or difficult realities, but all are susceptible to change. A big secret lies in modifying the way you respond to it. Choose, first of all, to assume that every day something new can be achieved.
Look for creative ways to face the situation considered as danger; For example, if you are a teacher and you cannot control the behavior of the children in the classroom, organize an assembly in class and have the class propose intervention measures. Give the fussy child the task of being your helper when you find her fidgety and that way she will be busy and feel useful. Both will be favored.
Take each situation as something “specific” and not as something “global”, do not generalize. If the chocolate cake is not your strong point, it does not mean that you are a horrible cook.
Count your achievements
Stop keeping track of your failures, start instead to see that there are things you can achieve and take a look at your past achievements, do not get stuck with the idea that “you are a failure.”
Put a stop to your negative thoughts
When you perceive that you begin to think “I will not be able, something is going to go wrong”, “It scares me to try”, “I have no way out”, “I’m doomed”; stop these ideas and transform the thought into a question, am I not going to be able? Why? What is the worst that can happen? Is it that I am afraid or do I not trust myself? Then analyze your answers and see how many times they are unfounded fears.
Learn from others
If you take as a model other people who have managed to emerge victorious from difficult situations, you can analyze what resources they used to get ahead.
Habits are obtained by repetition, and they are the engine of all action. Habits allow you to gain resistance to effort and tolerance to frustration. Remember the popular saying, “The drop pierces the rock not because of its strength, but because of its perseverance.”
Hope has the power to see a way out even in the most fortified walls. Unlearn those negative thoughts and recite, together with Khalil Gibran, “In the heart of all winters lives a pulsating spring, and behind each night comes a smiling dawn.”