If you really love someone, have the faith to “let go.”
This article was originally published on SethAdamSmith.com. It has been republished here with your permission. Seth is also the author of the popular article: Marriage is not for you.
I’m sure this will shock some people, but I have let my wife go. It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do, but it was the best for both of us.
No, we are not getting divorced, we are not separating. I must be honest, the practice of “letting go” has made us closer together. But to understand what I mean by “letting go” you have to first understand that Kim and I are very, very different people.
In fact, our differences were the first thing Kim worried about when we got married. She said, “Seth, a fish could love a bird, but where would they live?”
Kim and I are two incredibly different people. She is the oldest of her siblings, I am the youngest in my family. She is very responsible and I… I, not so much. She loves the city, I prefer the country. She loves healthy food, I junk. She loves school, I hate studying. She likes to watch dramas, I prefer comedies. She likes to sing and dance, I don’t. She prefers to travel by plane, I prefer to travel by car. She loves to surround herself with many people, I prefer to be alone. Kim is a driven woman focused on her career and goals, while I am a laid-back guy who prefers to garden and write about anything.
Simply put, Kim is an extrovert and I am an introvert. Frankly, I am sometimes surprised that we crossed paths, let alone the fact that we got married!
But after spending 10 years with Kim, I know I couldn’t live without her.
Despite so many differences, the fish loved the bird and vice versa. So we did the only thing a bird and fish could do together: we got married and built a bird bath.
The bird bath is a symbol of our common place, the place where we are together, but it is also the place where we feel comfortable to let each other go. Letting go means loving him enough to let him fly or swim away. (It also means letting it be authentic) and having the confidence that it will always come back.
Because if we really love each other, we have to be willing to “let the other go” so that he or she becomes the best version of himself or herself. Kim encourages me to keep swimming (that is, to develop my talents) and I encourage her to fly higher (to pursue her dreams).
Abusive, one-sided relationships are heartbreaking for me. How can we say that we love someone and then restrict their identity? Marriage is a union, it gives us security, but it is a union that must have the power to free us, not imprison us. True love does not limit someone’s potential, on the contrary, it should expand it.
Relee: Was your last love affair addictive? Take back control of your life!
My genuine love for Kim encourages me to let her fly and trust that she will always return. I must let her go so she can achieve her dreams, hone her education, and develop her talents. Also, I have to let go of my fears that she will walk away and never come back. If the fish cuts off the bird’s wings, you risk cutting off its dreams and completely suffocating it.
With that said, I’d like to say that I’m perfect at letting my wife fly, but no. We are still very different people. I have deep-seated insecurities and we must both learn to navigate each other’s personality.
But just as I cannot tell you that I am perfect, I can assure you that, every moment, I encourage Kim to fly and she loves me more for supporting her and having the faith to let her go.
Relee: Let go to be happy.
So if you really love someone, have the confidence to “let go.” Encourage him to be the best version of himself and you will feel overwhelmed by the love that your partner will return to you.
Translated and adapted to Spanish by Maia Fernandez from English I’m letting my wife go by Seth Adam Smith