Imagine that you are sitting with your friends, joking about your husband’s latest mistake. What does your husband say about you when you are not present?
The other day I was with a group of friends, when in the conversation we began to talk about our husbands. I held my breath, hoping that no one would say what I dislike hearing most, in all the world. But yes, someone said it: “I have four children: my three girls and my husband.” This is supposed to be a joke, but to me, it isn’t: it sounds like an insult to me.
Women need their friends a lot, but in a very different way than men need their friends. We use our outings with women to talk about our problems and make sense of what’s going on in our lives, but too often these conversations turn into “Let’s hate men.” We see it as the perfect time to make harmless jokes at the expense of our husbands. After all, we didn’t hurt anyone, did we?
Let’s turn the tables for a second and imagine another scenario. Imagine your husband talking to his friends. This is what they say:
Friend: “So what did you do this week?”
Your husband: «We went to a family picnic but it was crazy, I had to enlist everyone because my wife was in the bathroom getting ready for hours. She is so distracted sometimes. I would like you to help me more because I feel like everything becomes my responsibility the moment I get home from work. The house is messy, and… «
I could go on, but I think you can fill in the blanks with your imagination. Now, imagine you find out that your husband says this about you. You would probably kill him! I mean, how dare he talk about yourself like that to someone else? That is a completely unacceptable lack of loyalty. Except ladies, we do it all the time.
I think we feel guiltless because we are more social. We like to talk a lot and we can look innocent and harmless, without looking like bad wives. However, that doesn’t make it a good thing.
Loyalty: the highest value in marriage
Marriage is a special arrangement
Within a healthy marriage, you let your partner know all your fears, insecurities and shortcomings; So you have to trust that your partner will not divulge those things to the whole world. If we hope to maintain intimacy in our marriage, we have to sustain that trust. Your spouse cannot trust you if he thinks you are badmouthing him behind his back.
Sometimes we joke that the male ego is very “fragile,” but it’s not really a laughing matter. If your husband is like most men, he takes his pride very seriously. Most men like to maintain their public image, even among their wives’ friends. It is a serious violation of her trust when you make fun of her in front of someone else. I promise you, he doesn’t find it funny when you count him among your other kids or make a joke about his abilities as a parent, husband, or provider.
3 reasons why you should NEVER speak ill of your husband
Instead of criticizing them, let’s work on building their image
If when you make fun of your husband, it hurts him deeply, imagine how good it will feel when he knows that you are proud of him and you express it to the whole world. Yes, your girlfriends may suddenly be teasing you, joking that you became a submissive wife in love. But what is more important? Friends come and go, but the relationship you create with your husband lasts forever, good or bad.
I love my husband deeply! He is an amazing father and I appreciate the effort he puts into providing for our family. I am not afraid to send that message to the world. After all, I chose it. His good character reflects my good taste. Think about it the next time you are chatting with your friends.
Translated and adapted into Spanish by Miriam Aguirre from the original article in English How would you feel if your husband said this about you by Heather Hale.