Even if there are problems, don’t forget that you are family first. And if you have children, do not make these mistakes, so that there is no rancor between the brothers.
Those who have siblings know that some days it is easy to get along with them, and others it is not. The truth is that because they are brothers, there are no compatibilities in their tastes and ways of being, this is neither good nor bad; on the contrary, I think that differences enrich relationships. However, there are situations that can become so antagonistic to the brothers, that they reach the point that many stop talking to each other for their entire lives.
Getting to the point of not wanting to see that brother again because he did this or that must be terribly painful and uncomfortable, even more so when they are one of those families who get together for every important birthday or party.
Why do conflicts between siblings arise?
Because of the competitiveness that comes from wanting to have parental attention. This persists throughout life and many can deal with it. rivalry; but in other cases, things go up in level and increase when parents tend to favor some children more than others.
There are also cases where there was not necessarily a “preference” for another child, and the distancing is produced by the need for one of the siblings to have everything the other has. It is here when we see sisters / os taking away their affectionate partners, brothers fighting over inheritances, and even, antagonizing other relatives against a brother to be “in their grace.”
But as I pointed out before, this does not occur in all families because children learn to deal with that competitiveness that arises from poorly developed jealousy in childhood.
Whose fault is it?
From parents, or at least that’s what the psychologists say Evelyn Peckel and Jane Saber.Peckel assures that many mothers tend to have favorites among their children; This becomes so obvious that it generates enmity between the children and it is then that the brother who feels like a “black sheep” begins to behave as such, until it becomes the headache of the family.
Psychologist Jane Saber explains that between siblings that rivalries exist, the language tends to be quite clear. According to Saber, these siblings often use phrases such as: “You are mom’s favorite” ; In the face of this, people do not know how to react, which creates a heavy atmosphere of coexistence that gradually comes to light in family gatherings and is escalating, even reaching legal problems.
Something interesting in all this is that preferences can be given either by the gender of the children, the personalities and compatibility between parents and children or even lived experiences and feelings of guilt.
Something also of great interest is that problems between brothers tend to be stronger and more lasting than those that arise between sisters. The reason is that parents often docomparisonsamong male children, between which of the two is more disobedient or disciplined. Of course, all this is generating resentment among the brothers because they are more competitive than women.
In the case of girls, the problems are less because women are much less competitive than men, which is why problems between sisters tend to be resolved more quickly.
Resolving the differences
It is best to start when the children are young, and in this the parents have a lot to do. Knowing that many of the conflicts arise because of favoritism and comparisons, the most obvious option is that parents first of all try not to make comparisons between children.
Now, in the case of favoritism – even if there are – parents should let their children know that they love them equally and that if they demand that they be disciplined, ordered (for example) it is because they know that they can give a lot of themselves. .
What to do when the siblings are adults?
It is important that in this case the siblings are aware that even if the parents have been unfair, demanding or strict with one of them in particular, they try to be the ones who “smooth the rough edges” in the deal.
Do not ignore
It is painful, since you are brothers, and for better or for worse what happened between you arose in the past and it was your parents who caused it out of ignorance.
Nor is it about bearing a grudge against parents ; of course not, it is about understanding how they felt before, they can deal with that discomfort and continue to be brothers and support themselves in difficulties.
Talk about how you felt and do feel and resolve conflicts that may quickly arise without letting anger work its way between you.
Misunderstandings will always exist, the point is that they know how to talk about these problems and not allow them to transcend to the point of enmity.
Put yourself in the place of the other
It’s good that you know how you feel brotherWhether your position is that of the favorite brother or that of the criticized brother. It is good that they lend themselves to see the world from the shoes of the other, because that way they will know how all those conflicts make them feel.
Remember that after your parents pass away, you only have yourselves and it is not worth losing contact with a relative for things in the past for which you are not directly responsible.