El Ninguneo: One Of The Many Ways In Which Violence Speaks

“Distance does not separate people, indifference does.”

You don’t have to hit to hurt someone. 

Aggressive words hurt

the silence, the betrayal,

contempt and indifference hurt. ‘

When you travel you expose yourself to knowing countless words and customs that you have never heard before. That was what happened to me in 2011 when I was passing through Ecuador. There, for the first time in my life I heard the word ninguneo; Honestly, it didn’t mean much to me until someone pointed out that I was a victim of that behavior.

What is ninguneo?

It is one of the many forms of emotional damage that can be caused to a person. The ninguneo is an attitude in which the affected person is disqualified, either by her partner, by her co-workers or her family.

It’s like punishing someone with indifference, purposely ignoring them to make them feel less. Your words and opinions are worth nothing because even if you shout they will not listen or attend to you; he is simply nobody, he does not exist.

The ninguneo is nothing more and nothing less thanemotional violence. Whoever acts in this way is nothing more than someone cruel and toxic who seeks to let his victim know that he is superior and that he is “worth nothing.”

None or none?

I know it is an extremely strange word, just repeating it in my mind makes me absurd; however, it has so much meaning because at some point we were all ignored or ignored.

I started this story by saying that in 2011 I knew this word since I was a victim of no one, and I didn’t even know it! I was with a person who never defended me from the attacks of his family; Furthermore, she ignored me and did not take my opinions into account. There were many times that happened to me; The sad thing about all this is that I settled for crumbs. Fortunately, things happened that I am happy about today because – as my mother says – “It’s better alone than in bad company.”

They also ignored me in my childhood. People repeatedly ignored me and pretended I didn’t exist. I also sometimes ignore people; I do it when I get angry. I know this is not correct, but I also know first-hand what this makes the ignorant feel.

The neglect in marital relationships

If you are someone who is married or who lives with your partner, you know that ignoring it is the most common way in which misconduct is usually “punished”.

One day they have an argument because he was late for a family meeting that was important to you; So you decide that the best way to make him notice the fault is to ignore it. They leave the party and even though he talks to you, you pretend that he doesn’t exist. When he gets home he wants to vindicate himself and wants to apologize for what happened, but you downplay it even though you are dying of rage. When he goes to sleep he wants to hug you, but you walk away and turn your back on him. So you can spend a whole week until maybe a miracle happens that makes you talk to him.

Yes, it is very bad that he was late for the meeting, but what you should do before “punishing” him was to find out the reason why he was late to the party.

When you give in to the temptation to ignore your partner, you are leaving your relationship in the hands of thepride; and this always leads to the loss of what you love.

Within marriage there are those who always take the opportunity to make their partner feel less. They are with friends and if you say something, they correct you and make you look like a fool. He also tells you to shut up, because “everything you say is reckless or foolish.” It’s terrible to live with someone like that.

The social neglect

It occurs in schools among children of all ages. Creatures that without reaching thebullying, insults or bullying, “attack” their colleagues by ignoring them. Some of them have a birthday, they organize a party where they invite everyone except 2 or 3 groupmates because they are “invisible”.

Co-workers who pass from their peers because they do not consider them as such. Instead, they are perceived as inferior and therefore do not matter or deserve to be ignored.

It also happens in groups of “friends.” While calling someone who treats a person that way a friend is wrong, it also happens. Within that circle of friends there may also be the one who feels better and pretends to have the attention of the rest except one; that someone he or she feels is not worth it because he or she is not equally “attractive, smart, or funny.” It’s like “inviting her isn’t worth it.”

The moral deterioration of ninguneo

I don’t think I have to be very specific about it. The person victim of emotional or social indifference suffers because we need to be noticed. It is not a question of attracting attention to gain a kind of fame, it is not like that. It is a question that nobody wants to be disqualified and annulled; it is like living death.

In addition to the above, when a person is “punished with the whip of indifference,” they gradually lose their self-esteem. It is the same as with insults or hitting, only that these are active aggression. On the contrary, ninguneo is passive aggressiveness, but perhaps it is more harmful, because for many people it is more difficult to overcome.

I know that it is possible that at some point in your life you have been on one of the two sides. If so, you know very well how it feels to be treated as if you were not there, do not do it with your children or your partner or your co-workers.

Now, if you are a victim of this treatment, I ask you to put a stop to the situation; assert yourself, include and include yourself. Whoever treats you in a bad way does not deserve you and it is fair that you love yourself more; otherwise you will lose yourself. Remember: when you love yourself, you surround yourself with people who will know how to reciprocate.

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