If you think that your problems do not affect your children, I invite you to read this article.
Much is said about how domestic violence damages a partner, the way it destroys love and mutual respect, as well as the way it affects the self-esteem of those who are abused. Endless things like this come to the fore when we address the issue, however, little is taken into account of the problems that domestic violence can bring to the children of people who experience abuse.
Thanks to the Internet, we know of numerous documented cases, almost detail by detail, of calls to the police emergency center in each country, reporting domestic violence. In them, in a terrifying way, children are the ones who call in the middle of crying and screaming to ask for help for their abused mothers or fathers. Sad but real. For this reason, it is essential to raise awareness among parents who are victims of domestic violence about the invisible but forceful way in which they themselves —inadvertently— make their children vulnerable to suffering a similar future, or perhaps worse.
Consequences of growing up in a violent home
But how to protect children from domestic violence? The first thing is to remove the violent person from your life. With full safety, if she is hurting you, she hurts or is very close to hurting your children physically and emotionally. The violent person seldom manages to control herself and only regains her consciousness when the storm has passed. Here are some of the consequences that living in an environment of domestic violence can have for your children.
1. Negative feelings about your value as a person
When feeling mistreated, the child will think that no one loves him. Your self-confidence will be greatly undermined and you will think you deserve nothing but bad treatment. That is, they will identify the only option to continue living under the yoke of someone who is violent.
2. Repeat the pattern
If your child has grown up in a home where all they have seen are beatings and abuse, guess what kind of person they are going to look for as a partner? If you have thought that they will look for one that treats them the same way they treated you, you are correct. Although this is not a general rule, which occurs in all cases, it is very likely that this is the case that a child who experienced violence at home, ends as an adult from a bad relationship, to a worse one. This is because the only example of an “expression of love” he has ever had is violence.
3. Self-deception and manipulation
A person who grows up to violence is more susceptible to “being fooled” by emotional displays that are far from being true love. That is, it is very likely that you will become a partner of an abuser, or even seek to be abused. In cases like this, it is common to find that when one of the two people involved in the violent relationship finally wants to flee from that “vicious circle”, the other will try to manipulate him and threaten him with an attempt on his own life, so that he remains enduring abuse.
How to prevent the pattern from repeating
A. Teach your children not to shut up
Silence is the worst enemy for a battered person and the best friend for a violent person.
B. Do not fight or argue with your partner in front of your children
It is perhaps the worst that can happen, starting because they will want to side with one of the two parents, and that is not correct. If the situation heats up, they too will be harmed and hurt in their love for their parents.
C. Speak to them with the truth, but with limits
Children realize everything, so denying them that you are wrong with your partner, as well as speaking badly about him or her, is something they will resent. Your relationship problems are yours, do not make your children collateral victims of your problems. But don’t lie to them about a possible separation, couples or family therapy, either. Especially if your children are already teenagers.
To finish, let’s start from the point that your children are the part of you that you love the most, and that you surely want the best for them. So don’t just worry about the material goods that you can leave them while you’re alive. Provide them with a safe life, filled with affection and the assurance that they deserve the best family and love life to which they can hope.
On this topic, you can also
And since violence towards men also exists,
readViolence against men can run in your family and it’s no laughing matter