The tragedy of emotional lack of control within the home produces important pathologies outside of it.
The argument with Felipe left Katherine exhausted. She had promised not to raise her voice, but Felipe had the art of pushing her to the limit of fury. Felipe had fled scared to take refuge in his room and she ended up crying in the living room. She decided to go for a walk, get some fresh air, and come back to make dinner. Meanwhile, Felipe lay on the bed, his eyes sore and his fists clenched.
A few blocks from the house, a shrill meow made him look in the direction of a leafy tree. From one of the branches, a small cat screamed in fear. She approached determined to lower it, stretched her hands but the kitten jumped to another higher branch. Then she thought of Felipe: he practiced climbing and was used to climbing with ease. The bedroom door was still closed, and Felipe did not respond to Katherine’s call. But when she gently opened the door and told him about the kitten, Felipe jumped out of bed, tied his shoelaces, and hurried out.
The overcast sky announced a downpour. In the last weeks the fights were daily. Neither of them knew how to stop the fervor of their arguments. Now in the middle of a storm mother and son ran hand in hand, with the kitten in tow. After taking off their wet clothes, they both lit the wood stove, while the cat peered around the room. An atmosphere of serenity invited them to choose names and realize that it was time to start going to therapy.
Loving is a risky sport
The massive growth of violence is not only the responsibility of the mass media, consumerism, globalization and drug traffickers. It is the result of sick homes. In most homes, parents are concerned that their children eat, study, play sports, have friends, and occasionally have happy moments. In very few homes are parents busy with their children doing “risk sports”, that is, learning to communicate, control their emotions, learn values and acquire spiritual resources.
As the pharmaceutical industry makes tons of risperidone, the deficit of adults unable to control their anger grows in the face of wayward, restless, and defiant children. When adults lose control, there is always “something in the environment” that takes over and takes over. That is why the evils of today are growing. The tragedy of emotional lack of control within homes produces great pathologies outside.
Have you mixed a fizzy drink with a mint, and then capped the bottle? The result is similar to a missile in your hands, like phrases like “If you’re going to keep yelling, I’ll shut your mouth off.” When you tell your child things like this, the carbon dioxide from his emotions is trapped inside him and you better distance yourself, because when his anger flares up, he will splash you completely.
Help your children by taking control of your emotions
In the age of technology, your children are native photographers: they are born with a digital camera that records their environment. They photograph everything around them, but they also register your emotions with their own eyes. It is not enough for you to avoid yelling at him or threatening him with a blow: I assure you that he has in his affective memory the perfect register of your body in an angry attitude, your withering look and your facial expression of anger.
An angry child does not need an adult to shake the bottle more, that is, to raise his voice above his screams. Life does not have photoshop and there are scenes that cannot be retouched: not even the best therapists manage to do it, some things can hardly be redefined, with the passage of time. Old Sigmund Freud had already shown that intense emotions are attached to psychic memory. So your son accumulates in his soul, with the same intensity, the war in Lebanon and your signs of anger.
Learn to take control of your emotions and you will see how little by little your children will learn to do it too, without you reminding them every day. Children need to learn to express their anger correctly, they do not need an adult to accumulate angry gas inside them.