Not all envy is bad. You can use that feeling to achieve personal growth
For many people “healthy envy” does not exist. However, there are those who say that it is healthy envy that makes us grow and go “for more.” Furthermore, this feeling could also help us face our fears.
According to the family trepete, Dr. Lexx Brown James, emotions like envy and jealousy can be unpleasant, but at the same time they can help us to improve ourselves day by day. According to the Bustle site, the specialist explains that there are ways to deal positively with envy and transform it into feelings that help us overcome obstacles and achieve personal goals.
Healthy envy, does it exist?
According to Dr. Brown James, there are two types of envy: malicious and benign. Malicious envy is the kind of envy that makes us hate someone and want to “bring him down.” Benign envy, on the other hand, makes us want to be like that person.
Therefore, benign envy is a better motivator than malicious envy, or even admiration itself. And the good news is that, according to the specialist, malicious envy can be turned into benign envy by redirecting it from the other person to oneself.
But, how to do it when envy shakes us to the innermost fiber and fills us with rage? The way is to get in touch with the envy and jealousy we are feeling to use it as fuel that provides us with enough energy to direct us towards our goal.
4 questions to channel envy
The therapist suggests that when faced with the unpleasant feeling of envy we ask ourselves the following questions:
1.What topics tend to make me envious?
It may be that when you start talking to people about some issues, envy arises and you cannot control it; Maybe because of those vacations you always wanted to take, the job you want to have, or the car you want to buy, or the figure that you have not been able to reach for so long. According to Dr. Brown these are probably the areas with the greatest growth potential for you. Your envies tell you exactly what you need to work on, because it comes from your deepest desires.
2. Who or whom do I envy?
Although we may not want to admit it, the people we are envious of are our natural role models. Studying the people who trigger envy will help us discover who we want to be in life. In addition, it is important to distinguish and reflect on who or who are the people who occasionally make us feel envious, in order to determine what those people have that we want. This can help us think and ask ourselves if it is so necessary to have what that person has or if they are unfounded needs.
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3. What compliment can I give you?
The therapist advises that, instead of grumbling away from that person we envy, the ideal is to approach and give him a compliment, even if it costs us, since this helps us to confront our envy and inquire more about what originates it. Doing this can bring us even closer to our object of envy and that person can become our mentor or an inspirational object to fulfill what we want.
4. What control do I have over the situation?
Sometimes you can feel that envy is getting out of hand, and instead of magically waiting for the day when everything you long for comes, you should think about how you can control the situation to achieve what you want so much. For example, you envy your neighbor because she has three children and an enviable body, or your co-worker who has time to go for a walk after the office. but what are you doing to achieve everything you want? Says the therapist: “The only difference between you and the people you are envious of is that they have already done those things, which means that you have the ability to become like them if you follow the same steps.”
Turn your envy once and for all
Stop feeling envy and take control of your destiny. Stop regretting what he or she has or is, and do something to achieve what you want, or at least get closer to your goal. “Your accomplishments are not just a drop in a bucket, they are a great container of water all by themselves,” says Dr. Brown-James. “You are not living for anyone else, it is your moment, and trying to put together as many of those moments as you can can help remove some of that envy and make it motivational.”
Are you ready to turn your envy into “healthy envy”?