Do You Need To Lose, To Have A Happy Marriage?

If you want to know how to have a happy marriage, this article will show you how, if you learn to compromise on some things, you end up winning. After reading an article, “Marriage is for Losers”, I understood the foundation for a happy marriage.

When I was dating my current husband, I imagined myself as an exemplary wife, living in a little piece of heaven (my home), with a perfect husband and I think we are on our way to achieve it, but these things do not appear as if by magic: one you must strive and along the way our marriage has gone through incredible metamorphoses, any resemblance to your marriages in reality, is pure coincidence.

I got married in 2010 and it has been almost three years since my life changed and I must admit, I am no longer the same, apart from being the mother of a beautiful 5-month-old baby, I feel that I have matured a lot and everything is thanks to my marriage, before After getting married I was prone to accidents and illnesses, with few risks, with a lot of love to give but without looking for opportunities to do so, today everything changed.

When going through these metamorphoses, which are common in every marriage because they are two different worlds that come together, then it is normal; and when I realized that I began to like being able to always be right, to be the one who ended up making the family comply with their whim and since everything was going well, I mistakenly believed that it was the best; I found something that changed my way of thinking, the psychologist Kelly Flanagan wrote an article whose title sounds very curious: “Marriage is for losers”, here it is in English: Marriage is for losers.  This article describes three types of marriage:


It is when both spouses compete to win, and it usually turns into a duel, where both spouses are usually armed with words or silences. These marriages often destroy their surroundings and destroy themselves.


The second type consists of marriage where there is one who always wins and another who always loses. Both roles are defined, and whoever loses is usually the same person always. Finding this paragraph, I felt that I was the bad guy and the dominant one and I was unknowingly harming my marriage.

Love as sacrifice

Then comes a third type of marriage. It is not a perfect marriage, maybe not even close to being one, but the people who make it up have made a decision, the decision to love each other without limits, and to sacrifice the most important thing: themselves. In this marriage, the term “lose”, which I actually understand more as knowing how to give ground, becomes a way of life and the competition consists in seeing who can care, serve, forgive and accept the other in the best way, and this competition manages to increase the dignity and strength of the other. These marriages are made up of people who strive to be humble, compassionate, merciful, loving, and peaceful.

When reading about this type of marriage, my eyes filled with tears and I understood that although this idea was very different from how many people in the world think (that losing makes us less), it was just what I wanted for my family. Since then I can say that I am a great loser, and our marriage is of this type, the strangest, the marriage of losers. Now I can say that this type of marriage is not only the one I want but the one I have; yes, my husband makes me humble, compassionate, merciful, loving and peaceful.

Did you ever feel like you were in this situation? Were you the person who was always right, who always won? Or maybe the opposite: maybe you know someone who is not happy in their marriage, and needs to change something, because this type of marriage, from the magnifying glass of my understanding, is the best option. You can share this information and you will not only find a way to fix things, but a way to be happy and make the person you love happy. They are also ideas like this, in which we make a change in our heart, that can make the world a better place.

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