Infidelity is a fact that hurts and shakes the foundations. However, you can still pause in the midst of your embarrassment and stop packing.
The veil of the Temple of Jerusalem was torn from top to bottom, the earth groaned in a tremor splitting the rocks, and from the graves stinking and rotten bodies rose up restored. Then the rumors began to spread from street to street. Some women grabbed their children, lifted them tight to their chests, and ran in terror.
A group of desperate workers jumped off the scaffolding, their tools flying through the air, as night fell at noon. I do not want to imagine the insults in low voices of the priests of the Sanhedrin, threatening against all odds those who dared to get the sole idea that, perhaps, He was something more than a carpenter. The weekend was ruined for a few and for others it became a list of questions. But for his loved ones, it was a reminder of facts and messages.
If you think about it, there is no sadder scene in the New Testament than ten men in fear, hiding in the upper room. Ten men full of memories. The mornings getting dressed in a hurry to go out to walk the dusty streets. The pieces of bread sprouting until the baskets burst. The canvases adhered to Lázaro’s flesh and Marta’s smile. The angry crowd asking for a prisoner. The blood on the wrists and the nails on the palms. The fatal noise of the rock covering the tomb of Arimathea. The cry of Mary attached to the soul. The cross held high. Shame calling for flight. Neighbors laughing out loud.
Before you flee, think of the upper room
I’ve wondered so many times what made them come back. What had more weight, if the memory of what was lived, the hope of what was promised as an urgent debt, or the memory still fresh of broken bread and wine, as a reminder of His blood. Be that as it may and making a comparison, you can’t put your blouses and towels in your suitcase if you don’t first sit down to talk to your husband and tell him that you’re tired, that your life hurts, that your pain and shame break you mixed with nausea.
An unfaithful woman is not the best fit for breakfast, but you have to choose the time to confess it. You cannot live hiding it forever, and there comes a time when you have to steel yourself and speak bluntly, without looking to blame or victimize yourself. Before fleeing, think of the upper room: there were the memories of what had happened, the scent of hope. When they least expected it, the risen one entered and the room was filled with light. No evangelist recounted the conversations. No one recorded who was the first to ask for forgiveness. Who dared to kiss him, after Judas.
Better than running away is opening your heart
You can’t think of packing your bags and running away because you’ve made a mistake. You can’t throw everything away. You also have scenes and “so much passion hanging on the wall” as Montaner says on the radio. Remember: Winter climbing the windows and you clinging to a bowl of soup. Laughter on the carpet. The green in the spring shoots and you holding hands. I know those ten men went through the same thing you’re going through. They had to face the shame of betrayal, the misfortune of broken promises, the crowing of the rooster, the noise of blinds mixed with sarcastic laughter in the gloom. The murmurs in the synagogue.
Don’t run away, open your heart. Tell him that you still love him, that you need his skin by waking up at dawn, that you want to resume with him those dreams that were half finished. There are still unopened cans of paint in the garage. He still dreams of seeing you pregnant. She still gets emotional when she sees you on your knees praying, holding her hand. Think of the photos hanging on the wall. Who says no? Maybe everything will be different and they can rebuild the marriage.
The story of the room was not to remind us of ten men frightened by shame. He signed up to remind us of the opportunity for a new tomorrow.