Children who yell at their parents, offend them using harsh words, humiliate, ridicule and even hit them. How to nip this behavior in the bud?
My husband says that I only see these things, that only I have to witness them because I am looking to see them. I thought that in some way she was right, because certainly where there are children, by habit acquired in my profession, I begin to observe their behaviors, but this week my husband and I being together in the restaurant area of a shopping plaza beaten mother by his son.
It was an extremely embarrassing and sad scene, for me even irritating, because as if that weren’t enough, right there at the same table was the father who simply did nothing to prevent the attack on his wife. The diners at the neighboring tables could not believe what they saw and the shouts of the minor made many more to find out.
On the way home, my husband and I discussed what we had seen, and from then on in other places he has been observing the same behavior at different levels and with different nuances.
Children who yell at their parents, who offend them using harsh and harsh words, who fan them, humiliate, ridicule and even beat them.
In the case of the mall, the boy of about 9 or 10 years old was very upset with his mother because the hamburger she brought him “had too much ketchup. E l boy threw the food, and when the mother told him not to do that, he just slapped her twice, and neither the mother nor the father was arrested, merely asking him not there.
The boy stood up and went angrily towards the escalators, the father went after him walking slowly and resigned, the mother picked up the table and the younger brother, to go behind her husband wiping his tears, which I don’t know if they were more out of pain or humiliation.
José Ubieto ,Psychoanalyst, points out that these situations are not exceptional, although it is not yet an epidemic, since in Spain this only represents between 3 and 7% of family situations.
He also points out, quite rightly, that the question here is to understand why it happens, to act and not simply turn the other way, pretending not to see what is happening.
Characteristics of aggressive children with their parents
Javier Urra, Psychologist, gives a list of characteristics about children who violate their parents:
– They can start very young and the violence gets out of control in puberty or adolescence
– Their parents can be well-educated people with high academic degrees
– They have a good social level
– They have no obligations
– They have dropped out of school or are doing very badly
– They do not play sports
– They get up late
– The mother is usually the most violent
– They are sentimental blackmailers
– They do not have established limits
– They lack self
– control – They can be hedonistic-nihilistic
– They could learn violence from their father
– They do not deny being violent, on the contrary the coldly describe or
– blame the parent for provoking them.
The BBC mentions the first European study on the subject in 2013 prepared by the University of Brighton where Paula Wilcox, researcher of the study says that “parents live in fear but the subject is still taboo”.
Said study declares that this is a social problem typical of the current century, since a large part of the problem is usually that the family does not have a clear concept of authority and its disciplinary or limit system is permissive, they are more friends than parents, and they believe “Capricious adolescents who cannot tolerate frustration” An adolescent who has to say yes to everything, lives in the present and “explodes” if he is not pleased.
The lack of limits generates anguish and anxiety.
No child should be allowed to use beatings or physical violence towards any person or animal, much less exercise it towards their parents.
Educating children with clear limits and striving every day for them at an early age has become a prevailing need, as has raising them in the respect and love. Here are some good strategies to implement today at home with your children regardless of their ages
1 Identification and management of emotions
It does all of us a lot of good to know what emotions are and to identify them in order to act in a functional way in our environment. Children today more than ever require that we teach them by example and to recognize the words that name emotions.
Children must see how we process events that make us angry or frustrated, and then they can imitate and react more favorably.
2 Privilege dialogue in any situation
Our home is the best refuge to encourage and empower its members to express themselves, argue, be able to listen to others, seek solutions and be respectful to different ideas.
Take some time to sit down as a family and discuss together the things that happen, the challenges, the joys and everything else where the family can have an opinion and be heard.
3 Be an example of self-control and respect
If the family – and especially the father – are violent, the child in training and the adolescent without limits will replicate these behaviors directly on the most vulnerable in the home: the mother, younger siblings, or pets.
4 Be respectful and considerate towards the mother
The mother is the first weak side in the house, even before the children, hence the father, being the authority figure, must set the example of respect and consideration for the mother and therefore, all others are implicitly obliged to do the same.
5 Be alert to any expression of violence within the home
Video games, TV programs, cartoons and even other family members or schoolmates, can be the origin, example and teaching of the use and normalization of violence as a daily way to interact. Don’t allow it, stay alert.
Domestic violence in any of its facets is important to prevent, avoid and, above all, eradicate it in our homes.