Are you a happily married woman? They asked me once, I didn’t even think about it to answer yes, but the truth is that at that time the correct answer was NO.
I believe in marriage, I believe in family, but above all I believe in love. However, many times love becomes a burden, especially for us women who are told that a good woman must be obedient, must be a support at all times for her man, must be homely, ready for motherhood and sacrificed for her family.
And it is not that it is necessarily bad for a person to act like this, in fact deep down we all dream of finding someone willing to do that and more for us, and to the extent that all that is given from the heart there is no sin in it . The waters become muddy when it involves an obligation at the cost of our own happiness.
When the virtue of a woman is measured with the rod of stereotypes that subject them far from being light, it becomes darkness, even worse when that rod is ourselves, that being our first obligation to love each other, we accept to end up becoming ghosts consumed by love.
Are you a happily married woman? They asked me once, I didn’t even think about it to answer yes, but the truth is that at that time the correct answer was no. I said yes because I didn’t want to have to admit the many flaws in my relationship, I didn’t want to say out loud what I knew silently, I wasn’t happy and it was my fault. Not because it was bad, it was, if it is worth saying, too good.
I invite you to read 4 questions to know if your marriage is going well
How Being a “Good Wife” Makes You an Unhappy Woman
Not having a life of its own
It does not matter that we live as a couple, we are individual beings, and it is necessary that we enjoy that individuality without guilt and without fear. Give yourself your spaces, and try to enrich your life with experiences that satisfy you and give meaning to everything that surrounds you. Have confidence in yourself, strive for your dreams, and above all love yourself.
Have no voice
Loving does not mean belittling our worth. To be a good wife, you don’t have to say yes to everything all the time. If there are divergences it is important to reconcile them, but in no way silencing ourselves is the option, there must be a balance because otherwise we will run the risk of losing our voice.
That your happiness is based only on the other
I am not talking about that happiness that is to be happy about the good things that happen to our partner, but about that other that means that we can only be happy to the extent that he is. And believe me that in no way is being really happy, but it is the most reliable proof of our dependence and little self-love.
Accept that they hurt you
Today we know that violence manifests itself in different ways and that it is wrong, however it has not always been that way. For a long time, violence was seen as a right of men over women, and even communities and households with this mentality persist. Living in a violent relationship, accepting it does not make you a good wife, it makes you unhappy.
To be happily married is to find in the other the respect for our own privacy and individuality. It is tolerance, respectful communication, it is taking responsibility for ourselves. It does not try to carry the other person or their feelings, being happily married is, in short, being married and being happy.
Recommended reading 7 types of marriage that NEVER work and 1 that do Are you in one of these?