If you forgive and forgive, but you don’t see any change in your partner, maybe it’s time to consider something different.
I have already lost count of all the messages I have received asking for advice on what to do in cases where the couple makes the same mistakes over and over again. It is necessary to clarify that the errors to which I refer are not small things or those conflicts that inevitably occur in any relationship, since there is no one that is perfect. I mean much more difficult situations, those in which the heart breaks over and over again, leaving less and less room to live a healthy relationship. I point out those relationships in which there is literally abuse and some form of violence.
So I address the following words to all those women, and men too, who have written to me wondering if it is worth continuing to fight to maintain their relationship. In most circumstances I will always answer yes, however, there are situations where this is not the case. These are cases where dignity and self-respect are at risk by staying close to a person who refuses to change and who, in her denial, hurts us permanently.
So, below I present three specific situations in which I consider it preferable to accept that the healthiest thing is not to be together.
1. Domestic violence
With its minimal exceptions (and when I say minimal, I really mean tiny), that person who verbally, emotionally and / or physically abuses you, is not going to stop doing it. This situation is a complex cycle that begins where the other person behaves well with you, then the tension begins, increases and ends with some type of abuse, and after a while, the cycle begins again.
Under no circumstances is violence towards another person acceptable, so never allow your partner to lay a hand on you, whip you with their words, and make you feel that you are not a person worthy of being loved. You deserve dignity, respect and of course, a lot of love.
2. An infidelity that does not end
I have received a lot of messages about couples who are unfaithful over and over again, including men who have got other women pregnant because of it. As I think about these situations and so many others, I say to myself: enough is enough !, and I invite you to say the same too. Recurring infidelities only indicate that your partner has not sincerely regretted having done it the first time, so this situation will not change. If he doesn’t respect you, respect yourself (and don’t wait for him to respect you, to respect yourself).
3. An addiction of a lifetime
The reality is that anyone can heal from an addiction, as long as they work at it daily. However, there are situations in which nothing is being done to make this happen, so it is common for the couple to remain in a state of suffering due to the disease and the apparent selfishness of the addicted person.
Regardless of the type of addiction, all of them are destructive and can violate the love between the couple. If the condition is not cared for and conquered, it will invade the relationship and destroy it, so no one would have to submit to a relationship in which their feelings and their hearts are nullified.
I understand that by giving you these tips, I am not delving into the circumstances in which there are small children involved, a situation that could make things much more complex. However, I believe that when there are situations in the couple that break your heart, not only yours ends up hurt. I tell you with all conviction that happiness is possible, love yourself enough and leave that painful situation and the person who has no desire to change.
If you want to delve into this topic, read: Relationships and emotional abuse You can also read: Domestic violence: What to do when the partner does not want to change