Discover what it really is to love, according to the experts.
We know that love is a wonderful feeling, that when you fall in love everything is transformed and painted pink, you can feel butterflies fluttering inside your stomach in each meeting with your partner and the only thing that has priority is to stay with the loved one for the most part weather.
Loving is a unique and special experience, it is passion, dedication, commitment, respect and everything is given without expecting anything in return; you may think that the love of stories actually exists. However, many things about love that you fervently believed are not true; since you may think that love is suffering, sacrifice and sometimes causes pain.
The Doctor Walter Risoit explains those truths about love that are believed to be true, but are not; On the contrary, they are actions that show that a couple is in intensive care, so they have to dedicate themselves to working on their problems to save their relationship:
We all have different concepts about love, due to past experiences or observing the relationship of our parents. For example: for some, love is giving in so as not to provoke conflicts, and for others it is defending their ideas to the last consequences. However, there are common actions that can help you reflect on how your relationship is at the moment.
1 Love is the only thing that matters
Surely you have believed that love can do everything, that loving a person will help you solve your internal problems or that the power of love is indestructible, among other things. But in reality, in a couple, love is not always everything, it must be complemented with other important aspects for it to work, such as: friendship, taking care of the partner and of oneself, commitment, respect and communication.
Love is not an isolated concept, on the contrary, it is a part that forms a whole, which makes that feeling totally real. Many times people renounce themselves to love someone, as if they do not have a life of their own, and that unfortunately is a distant belief of what true love is.
2 If you doubt, it is not love
It is common for many people to doubt the love of their partner, since they often ask their loved one a thousand times, do you love me? Love does not doubt, it does not have questions, it only loves itself.
For this reason it is important to know what is the affective style, or rather, the way of loving your partner; Sometimes the concepts of love are so ingrained that the moment you don’t get what you expect, you get frustrated.
3 Love is not sacrifice
Sadly, some people have had to stop dreaming, they have postponed their wishes and desires just to please their partner. They sacrifice their life, their projects and those things that really make them feel productive, capable and intelligent; These people believe that they must sacrifice everything to be with their partner or to start a family.
The one who truly loves you will not forbid you to continue conquering your dreams, on the contrary, you will receive motivation, support and guidance, they will not let you give up and together they will achieve the unthinkable.
4 Loving doesn’t hurt
Walter Riso explained this point with a wonderful anecdote: it is about an elderly couple where the man tells the doctor: « when I touch my wife’s legs I don’t feel anything, but when her legs hurt I also hurt » . This anecdote is about the empathy that we must generate with our partner.
Loving should not hurt, it is not suffering, on the contrary, it is putting yourself in the other’s shoes to be able to understand, empathize, without judging or criticizing. Why does your partner do things that you don’t like or don’t agree with?
5 You can admire without loving
What do you admire about your partner? Ideally, couples admire each other, that they can value some unique virtue, ability or talent. You can admire a person without needing to love him, for example: someone who plays a musical instrument in an angelic way, someone who prepares delicious and creative cakes, someone who has the facility to convince others, etc.
6 Love is horizontal
When a couple really loves each other, then they have assertive communication, there is democracy and there is no one better than the other, that is, there is no power struggle; that is why love must be horizontal. Couples should be free to express their ideas, opinions, feelings and emotions, without fear of being judged.
Loving horizontally also refers to the fact that all couples wish to receive something in return consciously or unconsciously; It is part of strengthening ties, they make us feel loved and heard.
7 Loving is not needing
When you need your partner, he or she will become essential, will be able to take your entire life in the blink of an eye. Loving is not “needing” someone, since you can go on with your life without that person being by your side; The ideal is to say “I prefer you”, since they are independent but at the same time share many things.
“I prefer you, I choose to have you by my side, I choose to be your partner”, and not say “I need you.” Otherwise, love will become obsessive and dependent, causing you pain and suffering.
8 Opposites don’t always attract
Couples don’t have to be the same to love each other; but they must have the same goals, share the same values, a vision, and have similar tastes and hobbies. That is, you cannot be with a person who does not like dogs, when you are an activist against animal abuse or you cannot be with a dishonest person when you defend the truth first and foremost.
Now is the time to reflect and take a look back at your life and relationship. What can you improve? How can you achieve better communication and coexistence? Remember that love is a set of things that have to go together to achieve success in a relationship.