Discovering the reasons why you should never have chosen him as a husband will help you face your divorce process with greater strength and determination.
A divorce, more than a legal process, is a life process to which – unfortunately – you and every married woman are exposed. When making the decision to get married, you know in advance that the relationship that you have decided to formalize may or may not work. Of course, you will always expect it to go wonderfully, however, when due to different factors, circumstances and decisions your marriage does not work out, you should stop to analyze a series of important points.
Determining where you failed — individually and as a couple — during the time of your marriage is perhaps the first point you must face. However, and beyond knowing that the past does not return, it is necessary that the analysis of the problem not only goes back to the period of your marriage. That is to say, you must evaluate those signs and warnings that —maybe— made you doubt about him, even since the courtship. Reflecting on those discussions, disagreements, unpleasant moments and incompatibilities that you perceived long before you got married, will help you understand, accept and cope with this process much better.
For you, who are facing a difficult separation right now, I share with you 8 reasons why —probably— you understand why you should never have married him.
1. They argued constantly
If in marriage they argued frequently, it is likely that in courtship they did too. Don’t think that the commitment you made was the main factor that ended your relationship. On the contrary, getting engaged was only the reason that ended up increasing that deficiency prior to their marriage and that perhaps they did not want to see in time.
Relee: How to cut ourselves off and end in divorce
2. You couldn’t be yourself
If, as a couple, you couldn’t do simple things like laugh and cry intensely in front of him, it was because to a large extent, the trust that keeps every good marriage alive did not exist. Certainly, the sensation of not feeling free in his presence only increased at the moment of getting married.
3. You took extreme care of every action and word you said.
If in the courtship you had to watch each one of your words and actions for fear that he would be upset, it is certain that in marriage that fear grew enough to fracture the relationship. Remember that there is no successful marriage without a partner of accomplices and confidants.
4. Did not show interest in living with your friends and family
His lack of interest in spending time with your family and friends – while they weren’t engaged – must have been one of the biggest red flags that the relationship was not going all that well. The man who truly loves a woman will understand the importance of having a cordial relationship with her family and friends.
5. He was not attentive
If he forgot important dates and events of his courtship, if he rarely gave you a note or a flower, if he never opened the car door and even, if he forgot to hold your hand while they were walking down the street, it was a fact that the same would happen in marriage.
6. I did not know your goals in life
The fact that he has never given himself to the task of knowing your dreams, goals and aspirations, was a clear manifestation of the little interest he had not only for you, but for the family that they thought to build or that they built.
Relee: My goals and my husband’s are different
7. You expected it to change
After every argument, conflict or even every infidelity on his part, it is likely that he promised to improve and change and become someone different once they were together forever. However, that never happened, because a man who is unfaithful in his courtship is very likely to be unfaithful in marriage.
8. Lack of commitment
Finally, if throughout his courtship he was filled with excuses and pretexts for not taking the step of marriage, if he did not know with certainty what he would do with his life and as if that were not enough, he frequently excused himself in doubts and misgivings he had about you, it is obvious that he was not and will never be, worthy of your heart, your life and much less your love.
Reread: The Importance of Betrothal