When we decide to start a family, sometimes we do not take into account that, although we marry the man we choose, that we love, he is accompanied by his family and living with them will not always be harmonious.
When we decide to start a family, sometimes we do not take into account that, although we marry the man we choose, that we love, he is accompanied by his family and living with them will not always be harmonious. For example, something that stresses a lot of women is their relationship with their mother-in-law.
There are cases in which the mother-in-law-daughter-in-law relationship is excellent. But on many occasions it is a difficult bond, full of difficulties. With the arrival of the children, the relationship changes. The arrival of a new family member emotionally mobilizes everyone, for better or for worse. If you have just become a mother, you should know that not only will your domestic life undergo great changes, but your mother-in-law may have some of the attitudes that I will mention below. How will your relationship with her change?
Will be more aware of your life
He will be aware of everything you do. He will observe you a lot with the intention of helping you. Sometimes that makes us feel invaded, so setting limits with respect is the healthiest thing to do. It is also true that, by the puerperium, you will be more sensitive than usual so it may happen that you misinterpret some of the attitudes of your mother-in-law. So take a deep breath (and wait for your anger to pass if something bothered you) before talking to him.
They will be seen more often
A mother can endure not seeing her child often but it will be very difficult for her to do so with her grandchildren. That is why they are surely seen more often than before. When you were alone with your partner, it was easier to spend weekends away from the family, but with the arrival of a baby the situation is different. Try by all means to have a harmonious relationship with your mother-in-law, if she does not do the same, at least you will have put the best of you.
Give your opinion and parenting advice
If before your motherhood your mother-in-law did not get involved in your life, now she will advise you on the best way (according to her) to raise your child. Generally people tend to have the idea that our way of doing things is the best and mothers-in-law are no exception. That’s why you must arm yourself with patience and know that there are many tips that will be useful and others will not. In the case of the latter, instead of confronting, the best thing is to thank and say that your way of parenting is different but that you value their comment.
It can be better
There are cases of women who have improved their relationship with their in-laws. Joining together for the common good: Raising the “family treasure” can make the relationship more enjoyable and stronger.
It can get worse
On the contrary, there are cases in which the relationship with the mother-in-law has worsened with the arrival of the children. For example, although we can take with pleasure some opinion of our mother-in-law (as long as it is given with respect), there are problems when she does not respect your way of parenting in some aspect (for example, she gives your child sweets when you you stated that he was too small to eat sweets). That is to say, she does what she considers best regardless of your opinion.
Will compare to you
Sometimes it may happen that you begin to compare the way you raised your children and the way you do. The comparisons can have different intensities, sometimes they are harmless comments that are better to pass up and in other cases they can be hurtful. Valuing the good that she did (if you are born to do it) is a way to improve the relationship. In other cases it is best to turn a deaf ear and change the subject.
The relationship can become a real ordeal. There are cases of women who tell their grandchildren not to call them “grandmother” but “mother”, others who doubt the paternity of the baby, and so on. Faced with a bad relationship, the daughter-in-law has often had to choose to remain silent, to avoid major problems, since there are times when dialogue is impossible. There are many families who have moved away from in-laws to preserve a good relationship. And in the best of cases, they have been able to improve the mother-in-law-daughter-in-law bond, because they have realized that those who benefit from harmony in the family are all, but especially children.
Therefore, mutual respect is the key, if she raised the man of your life and turned him into the being you love so much, she will not have done things so badly. And if you are a mother-in-law, remember that it is important to respect new generations and make them feel that, despite differences in criteria, they have your unconditional support.