Learn the best ways to change disrespectful behaviors in your children, with love and without hurting them.
Although the main challenge for parents is the upbringing and education of their children, they sometimes feel embarrassed, frustrated and disappointed when their children are disrespectful. Despite setting limits, rules, promoting values, and being a good example, children sometimes seem to ignore these teachings.
Perhaps we can justify that children are disrespectful because of lack of maturity, because they are small or because they want to attract the attention of the people around them. However, no parent should allow their child to swear, throw public tantrums, yell, use physical violence, or engage in mischief that is harmful to others; even that their bad behavior causes a great risk to their safety and life.
It is totally valid that these situations where the children do not respect the rules cause emotions to get out of control, and for obvious reasons, punishments are implemented using physical and psychological violence many times. But you have to be careful with it, to know the ways on how to correct these disrespectful behaviors; otherwise, they can do irreversible harm to children in their adult lives.
Children are the reflection of parents
Martha Alicia Chávez, author of the book ” Your son, your mirror “,states that parents sometimes project their expectations and frustrations on their children, as well as unresolved issues from childhood and adolescence. Unconsciously, they expect their children to become an extension and to close unfinished business that they did not achieve.
Perhaps this is an explanation for the inappropriate behaviors of the children, since sometimes, the coherence between what the parents say does not coordinate with the actions. It is essential that everything that happens in the home is beneficial for their education, since the children assimilate as normal what they see at home.
It happens many times that the frustrations, resentments and fears that parents carry throughout their childhood, children come to imitate and learn them unconsciously. So, for the sake of the children it is of utmost importance to ensure that these personal and internal conflicts are not reflected when we educate our children.
All children at birth are noble, tender and affectionate. As they grow and develop their intellect to reason, it is when they can become disrespectful children, it all depends on how parents teach their children.
Today, many parents implement a permissive, positive parenting method, without being authoritarian, perhaps because they do not know what to do when faced with inappropriate behaviors from their children. Therefore, here are these tips.
1 With love
You have surely noticed that when they speak to you with love, respect and affection, things turn out better. That is why love is a fundamental tool to change inappropriate behaviors. Remember that if you yell or get upset, your child is likely to continue these challenging behaviors.
It is about explaining in a tender and passive way the consequences of their actions, how a behavior can affect others. Use motivational phrases, setting limits and rules from the beginning of their upbringing.
For example: “Son, you are very playful and I love that, but you should not break your toys and leave them lying everywhere, because mom can trip and hurt”, “Son, I know you have a great voice, but if you scream and you cry, it’s difficult for me to understand you “
2 Understanding others
When your child engages in disrespectful behavior, it’s time to teach him about empathy. This refers to putting yourself in the shoes of others to understand, support and help. Children who feel empathy are inclined to think about feelings, will be able to recognize when their behaviors have hurt someone, and will immediately say “I’m sorry.”
Ask your child directly how their behavior made the other person feel. Talk about the different feelings and emotions, so that they have a broader concept and can clearly describe what you think the other person is feeling.
3 Consequences and not punishments
It is advisable to eliminate the word “punishment” from your vocabulary and change it to “consequence”. When you tell a child that you are going to punish him, he will immediately relate that concept as something bad, painful, blows, fear, reprimand, tears and so on. If you tell him that for his wrong actions he will have to bear the consequences, he will assimilate it as learning.
It is important to teach children, from a young age, about the causes and consequences of all actions, whether positive or negative. For example, if they behave well, the reward will be whatever they want and if they behave badly, the consequence will be not to see a movie.
At this point, it should be noted that parents should let their children face the consequences of their actions alone, that is, not over protecting them or minimizing their suffering, even avoiding giving in to their whims.
4 Celebrate good deeds
Recognizing and rewarding when children behave well will motivate them to do more good things than bad. Maybe you can commit to taking him to the movies, buying a toy, or anything else, as long as he follows the protocol for good behavior.
5 Assertive communication
Parents can lose control of their emotions when their child ignores and is rebellious. But you will gain nothing by exalting yourself, losing patience. Ideally, take time to reflect on the facts and make reasonable decisions. Discover the origin of those bad behaviors that cause your child to misbehave, so you can anticipate their reactions.
Maybe all your child wants is to attract attention and he needs you to spend more quality time, play and get involved in his world.
Children are disrespectful due to the lack of values at home, because they imitate behaviors that they see in their parents, because they do not live in a healthy environment and because they often feel misunderstood and unloved. Fortunately, parents can change these behaviors, lovingly, setting limits and communicating with their children in a respectful and loving way.