All the painful experiences that you have lived in the past continue to affect you in adult life and may affect the emotions of your children, when you have not yet healed the pain.
You don’t have to be an expert to find the logic why the emotional wounds we experience during childhood directly or indirectly affect our children when we have not healed them completely; Well, sometimes when we raise them we tend to unconsciously transmit our own insecurities, fears or traumas.
To exemplify the above, I confess that on more than one occasion I made mistakes that left their mark on my son’s heart, just for having ignored how to heal my wounds.
During my childhood I experienced a lot of fear of abandonment; maybe because of my mother’s death as a teenager. Therefore, in raising my son, I transmitted that fear to her by rigorously teaching her the subject of death and disease at an early age. For obvious reasons, my son fostered this inexplicable fear every time I got sick, since he didn’t want to feel abandoned and alone.
Emotional hurts greatly influence the way we were raised. For example, if you had a very strict and demanding education, it is likely that you adopt the same way of raising your children in a similar way, causing them to grow up with insecurities in themselves. Also if you are a distrustful person, it will be easy to transmit that feeling to your children.
What are emotional wounds?
According the experts ,They are the painful experiences that we develop throughout life, as a consequence of some unpleasant situations. These leave scars that are manifested in the attitude and personality creating intense emotions of pain, anger, sadness, fear, among others.
The problem begins when these situations are not resolved in a favorable way, since the pain remains fixed inside us, and with the passage of time they end up causing injuries. The worst thing is that these feelings are transmitted to the children, affecting their emotions and personalities as adults.
For this reason, I share with you the most common injuries that children usually experience:
1 “Don’t leave me”
A studyconfirmed that when a person has experienced abandonment by their parents, whether due to death or any other reason, this wound will continue to be present within them. This will be expressed with a high level of anxiety when being abandoned by the partner.
This will cause insecure behaviors and that affective need will make the person beg for love and attention, to avoid suffering. In conclusion, the fear of abandonment is what often generates couple breakups.
The injured person will have obsessive attitudes, showing absurd jealousy, distrust and emotional dependence. For this reason, it is essential to work with the confidence, security and self-esteem of the children, showing them sincere love, in a way that they feel loved and valued.
2 “I can’t do it”
A person who was educated in a demanding, controlling way, where authoritarianism on the part of the parents was highlighted, as a way to protect her from the dangers of life, is likely to transmit that wound to her children. This will drastically affect the ability to take risks, to believe in themselves, generating insecurity and fear of new things and challenges in life.
As adults they will have a hard time accepting and adapting to changes and challenges, even making decisions. Let your children learn freely from their mistakes, teach them that every action has a consequence, without transmitting your own fears.
3 “Insecure attachment”
When experiencing the absence of one of the parents, for various reasons, an emotional and affective need is created that will cause a wound in the children. They are likely to understand that relationships are fickle and precarious.
They will even unconsciously develop an unreliable affective bond, because they will feel a sense of involuntary rejection, which in the long run will affect the stability in romantic and social relationships.
Avoid making your children feel unloved and unloved, despite being an absent parent. Remember, the circumstances or reasons that have led you not to be in your children’s lives do not matter; The love you feel can be demonstrated with quality actions and time.
4 “I am not worthy”
During childhood, certain feelings of rejection can be experienced by parents or loved ones. Perhaps the reason was to be raised in a large family, in which it is believed that you do not receive enough attention that is needed, or for various reasons.
When that wound is not healed, it is likely to raise children with that same fear of being rejected. This will cause that in adult life they are excessively self-critical, that they do not value themselves enough, ignoring their virtues and strengths; They will even prefer to be alone and isolated from the rest of society.
5 “You are useless”
Many times the negative things we hear tend to hurt our hearts, especially when these phrases or words come from people we love, such as parents, friends and loved ones.
It may be that parents unconsciously made their children believe that they were useless, irresponsible, stupid, or whatever else; all because they did not know how to control their emotions when they were angry. Therefore, they transmitted that anger and frustration as a way of emotional relief.
If parents do not know how to control and manage their negative emotions, the children are likely to suffer the consequences, leaving injuries. The problem is that as adults they will grow up with low self-esteem, fear and insecurity. They can even be depressed people, they will be afraid of making mistakes, of failure and they will never exploit their real abilities and capacities.
Working with your own wounds, learning to accept them to heal them, will prevent your children from suffering the consequences. Without a doubt, it is a great challenge to raise children without emotional wounds, since life itself will teach them painful lessons without our being in control of it. However, do the best you can to raise them, without expressing your fears, so that they are free.