Do you think that your children or your partner should not have a “private life”? read this article and you will discover whether or not it is feasible to have limits on intra-family privacy
Milena has been married for 20 years to Pedro, a hard-working and good man, she is also the mother of Julio and Diego who are in their teens, but despite that, they are well-behaved boys who trust and tell their parents everything.
Despite the trust that exists between the parts of the family, Milena wants to keep everything under her control and without her husband and children noticing, she accesses their email accounts and social networks; even their cell phones and their rooms have not been spared the strict supervision she imposes on them.
Her husband is aware of what his wife does secretly from their children and does not support such behavior. He tolerates her behaving like that with him, he doesn’t justify it and he doesn’t like it either, but he ignores it because he has nothing to hide and he does little or nothing secretly from her; but he doesn’t like me doing that with his children. Believes that each person should have the right to privacy. That situation has reached the point of making them argue heatedly. She justifies her behavior by arguing that all she wants is to know the steps her children are in and that it is her right to meddle in their affairs.
Pedro fears that his children will notice and end up leaving them because of his wife’s behavior. He no longer knows what to do so that Milena does not continue to violate the privacy of her children.
What leads to crossing the boundaries in the privacy of family members?
It’s not about being “involved in everything for fun” in the lives of loved ones, it’s about keeping everything under control. Such is the level of fear and insecurity that the person feels, that this leads them to investigate, more than necessary, the lives of their loved ones. Do you have the right? No. Things don’t work that way. Nothing good is achieved by force; and better not imagine what it can bring about that the loved one who is “watched” realizes that level of intrusion.
Techniques for setting privacy limits within the family
There is nothing more easily explained than the golden rule, as it stands in
: “So, all the things that you want men to do with you, so do you with them.” I must not say that spying on the husband or vice versa is inappropriate when the marital relationship is supposed to be free of secrets and full of understanding, openness and trust. With children things are different, if the relationship between parents and children is not good, trust will be low or null and sometimes the relationship can be good between family members. However, when children enter adolescence they often do not want to trust their parents. Still, there are certain techniques for setting limits. Let me share them with you:
From an early age, trusting your children is the most valuable gift you can give them and it is the best reward you can receive from them. So why violate their privacy?
It is one of the values, if not the most important that must exist in the family. If there is respect, the limits are too much since it will be known, a league away, to recognize the private space of each one.
3. Establish clear rules
It is important that from the time children are young, rules are established that will allow them to know what to expect if they violate those statutes set by their parents, as well as they must know that there will be circumstances that will lead to change the rules at home.
4. The power of intuition
All parents have this sixth sense that tells them if something is wrong with their children. It doesn’t hurt to pay attention to it.
As you can see, if you want to have a good family relationship filled with warmth and trust, it is best to respect each other’s space, cultivate love, trust and total respect between the members. That way there will be no need to be a “spy for loved ones” and thus run the risk of deteriorating the relationship of trust and love in the family.