“Don’t wait for your turn to speak: learn to really listen and you will be different.” Charles Chaplin
The next scene is going to become very familiar to you because it surely happened to all of us, or it will happen to us at some point.
Something happens to you that you did not expect, let’s say you got the job of your dreams. For you it is the best of situations, that’s why you run home to tell your family or partner.
After telling your exciting story in detail, you expect some kind of interaction; however, all you get is: » oh! how good , ‘and they walk away leaving you feeling like they didn’t pay attention to you. The worst thing is that you confirm that feeling when you have to go out to specify something important regarding what you said.
It happens that the person you told it to asks you: « Where are you going? «. In response you say: « To sign the contract that I told you «. What you have as an answer is a look of total ignorance, and a ” if you had told me then I would not be surprised .”
The above is one of those things that one says internally: « No, this cannot be happening to me! «. It is terrible that this happens for two reasons: first, you look like the bad guy for not telling him what happened; and second, you have the feeling that you are not important to that person.
To know communicate it is perhaps the most basic principle for relating to others. It is a matter of knowing how to listen and knowing how to say what you want to express. If this does not happen in equal parts and with the same level of importance, then the relationship in question deteriorates; This is what happens in many marriages.
Good communication costs nothing
Or it can cost a lot if you really have no interest other than being listened to and not knowing how to listen to the other. It’s not about talking non-stop and it’s not about pretending you’re listening. It consists of paying all possible attention to the other person so that the bond between the two is strengthened.
It is easy? It depends on your interest in your interlocutor. For example, when a man meets a woman he is interested in, he tries to obtain as much information about her as possible, her workplace, her tastes, what bothers him, he is even capable of listening to an endless talk about some office gossip .
The above is a feat that is lost with time and coexistence. We all know that it costs men keep attention in a conversation for more than 5 minutes; after this time “the connection goes away.”
It is not their fault, that is their nature. We also know that it is for every woman to talk about a subject in such detail and detail that it is impossible not to lose the idea. If one thing is combined with the other, the result will be a slow and gradual deterioration of the relationship.
But the good news is that that cycle can be broken with some patience and willingness.
Buddhism and the 4 principles of communication
Communication is very important to people who practice Buddhism. They believe that both the things that are said and the silences that are kept depend on the harmony of the relationships we have.
But for Buddhists communication is not only between people, but also with ourselves. Honestly, this point seems very interesting to me; Being able to have good communication with ourselves allows us to get to know ourselves better and to know what we like and what we don’t like. This is very favorable since you will learn about your limits, your abilities, what you are or are not capable of tolerating, etc.
With all this in mind, Buddhists affirm that the 4 principles of communication seek clarity and respect in human relationships. Speaking refers to the expression of ideas, emotions and feelings, and when it is done with these two parameters in mind, a better understanding and quality of relationships is achieved.
The 4 principles are:
Truthfulness is neither more nor less than always speaking the truth. Always be a personhonest , It is very valuable because people trust you and you always attract genuine people.
But to be honest with others, you must first be honest with yourself. And it is logical because you treat others as you treat yourself .
“More bees are attracted with honey than with gall”; This is a traditional saying from my country that is used to express that kindness helps win friends and opens doors that rudeness closes.
If being an honest person frees you from emotional burdens, be nicefills you with very good energy. Nothing is more beautiful than being nice to those around you. Saying hello, being grateful, saying what you think without offending, makes people really appreciate you.
When you choose to say things in a polite and respectful way, communication becomes more fluid and the environment becomes more pleasant and harmonious.
He silence for Buddhists it is also very valuable. For them it is the ideal space to listen to both others and yourself.
From what I explained at the beginning, we all want to be heard and it is impossible to do so if people are interrupted or do not pay attention, hence the fact of knowing how to keep silence.
But also many times people speak to fill an empty space. What this action causes is that it impoverishes relationships to the point of alienating people.
Buddhists are known to seek internal and external peace, so it is not surprising that even in communication they seek to maintain harmony.
For Buddhists, words are only justified when they are a way to nurture goodwill and peace between people . Thus, for them, any message that does not contribute to that objective will only be a mechanism to generate misunderstandings and damage relationships.
Harmony in communication must convey peace and be clear and concise, this in order to enrich relationships and make communication more fluid.
When two people communicate it is important to know how to reach the other. Therefore, being truthful, kind, knowing how to listen and keeping ideas clear and concrete, help to improve relationships with others and with yourself.