One of the primary functions of every mother is to teach her children that they cannot have everything around them, without having limits.
One of the primary and fundamental functions of every mother is to teach her little ones that they cannot have everything around them, without measuring consequences or having limits. Teaching children to differentiate between what is good and bad, beneficial or harmful, permissible or prohibited, gives us the peace of mind of knowing that, whether we are close or not, they have the information and the capacity for self-regulation to protect themselves.
Setting limits at home is hard work. The limits will be based on the values that you teach your children and that, in the long run, they will uphold anywhere. There are several important points that you should consider to establish limits and with this teach your little ones how to make the best decision, in each circumstance:
1. Don’t lose your temper
We constantly scold, yell, and sometimes even hit when the little ones don’t act as expected. These attitudes create in them a resistance to behavior change. It is better to contain the anger, give them options of what they can do and give them the possibility to choose what they like the most and get their attention. So they will do what they want, according to your rules.
This is to open for them the possibility of choosing, as long as they comply with the rules. Allow them to be independent in their decisions and be creative. This also implies that you must learn that what you impose is not always going to be done, with this you will discover that your little ones are much more intelligent and skilled than you imagine.
How to raise good and happy children, without punishing them (part one)
2. Show firmness
When something is promised, it must be kept; a child cannot be asked (much less demanded) to keep her word, if you as a counterpart do not keep yours. Start by raising awareness of them and giving an ethical value to what you promise. Phrases like, “If you don’t keep your word, I can’t make deals with you anymore” might work. You must not lose sight of the way you speak: always show a firm posture and let your child see when something is 100% their responsibility, not yours.
Effective methods of disciplining children
3. Teach him to be responsible
The mechanisms that we can use to teach our child the value of responsibility are varied. The most basic is assigning some work at home. In addition to doing her homework, she can pick up her toys and clothes, help lift or set the table.
It is also advisable to establish schedules for each activity of the day: getting up, eating, playing, sleeping, etc. In addition, try to have an extra-school activity, where he is the main responsible. For example, if he does not remember that he has that commitment, it is recommended that you do not carry it yourself. After the scheduled time for that activity, remind her that she forgot; With this you help him to take responsibility for his forgetfulness, to fulfill his tasks and commitments. Likewise, if he needs any material for this activity, he must be the one to prepare it and if he is late, emphasize that being late means missing out on pleasant moments.
Work and responsibility are learned at home
Finally, for your children to develop the habit of limiting themselves, you can help them by making their tasks and commitments visible. One option is to stick a card in a visible place where you write the days of the week and the rules and activities to be carried out each day. For each task completed, paste a stamp, if at the end of the week your child gathers all the stamps, he will have won a prize: ten more minutes of play, eat his favorite food, go out to the park. At this point you should be very clear that the awards do not require an expense or annoyance to the parents, the award must be something that motivates children to discipline themselves.