Some couples go into divorce too early or after years of enduring in silence. Here are some of those “little details” that end love.
Susana has been married for eight months with whom she considered the love of her life, David. If you notice, I said that she considered David, during their years of courtship, the love of her life, a perception that, in what they have been married, has become blurred. This is because David apparently purposely “concealed” aspects of his character and personality that he knew would not be to Susana’s complete liking; These, with the daily coexistence, have been difficult to mask and justify.
David is what might be called a “good man”; He is not unfaithful, he does not come home late after work and the times he goes out with friends, Susana is the first to know. However, she has been discovering small aspects that, although they are tolerable, they are still significant. She feels that if he doesn’t change what seems so harmless, one day they are going to have a serious problem.
They may sound silly, but they are not. Not for her. David turned out not to be as sincere as he seemed: Susana has discovered one or another deception, that isolated could be insignificant but when put together they would leave clear evidence that David likes to lie and that he does so with a clear intention of avoiding conflicts with Susana. Like who says: “better to lie than to hurt.”
On the other hand, David likes to take for granted that the obligation of everything that has to do with the home and the stability of the couple, falls solely on Susana. He believes that his only duty to the marriage is to work and bring the money home. That of keeping order at home, paying bills, shopping and other domestic matters are Susana’s obligation. But when, due to lack of time or fatigue, she does not wash the shirt that he wants to wear on any given day to go to work, she becomes so angry that Susana has thought that David might hit her. Her anger is so great that she stops talking to her for a whole week, and it is she who must seek him out and apologize for her “mistake”, otherwise she could spend a whole year ignoring her. Susana does not know how long she will be able to endure this situation and admits that they need help to avoid divorce.
Small negative details can lead to boredom
Of course, yes, it is a reality that many couples today seek divorce for something they call “incompatibility of characters” or irreconcilable differences. These are usually minimal defects that are not taken into account, but that in the long run become intolerable for one of the members of a couple.
In the story of Susana and David, it can be seen that there is little or no collaboration on David’s part in the home; She also lies and has discharged all domestic responsibility on her partner. As if that were not enough, it is Susana who must find a way to reconcile with David, because in his eyes, it is she who has broken the marriage agreement.
Much has been said that a marriage is of two and it is both who must achieve the balance of the ship or it only remains to choose a path, between two possible ones: either you learn to deal with those small situations, or it is better to say goodbye to the love of partner. However, if you identify these little details that destroy love and work on them, maybe you have another option to be happy together.
Speak clearly, always!
The most important thing is good communication, at all times. Here I share three tips to solve the conflicts that these “little details” can cause, based on the power of communication in the couple.
1. Express what you think
First and foremost: if something bothers you about your partner, state your point of view clearly and without fear. Silence is the biggest problem, because if your partner is one of those people who thinks that “she who is silent grants”, you will be guilty for not setting your limits or exposing your way of thinking.
Repressed emotions turn into illnesses: learn to express your emotions
2. Facing the lie, the truth
If your partner lies occasionally even if they are not “serious” lies, let him know that you know the truth. Talk to him and unmask him head-on, let him know that he hasn’t managed to fool you. If you are a sensible person, you will recognize your fault and do not want to be caught in a new lie.
What to do when the lie takes over your relationship?
3. Talk about how you feel about roles at home.
If your partner expects you to be the one to take care of all the chores around the house, including fixing his clothes and shoes to go to work, and you don’t agree with it, let him know that you hope those chores can be shared. He may not understand that when he demands that you take over all domestic responsibilities, you feel that he treats you like a slave, and not like a wife. Let him know that you want to be treated as his partner and express your disagreements. Do not agree to please him if you do not agree with what he asks of you; if you do, you will be responsible for what happens from now on.
Sharing Responsibilities in Marriage
You can see that these “little details” can be corrected from the very beginning of the problem. Good communication and love are the key. Be calm, be patient and if you want a change, always start with you.