“When I have a child, I …” And now, that you are a mother, what do you say?
There are certain things that we do not know until we become mothers. We say that we will never do this or that thing, or that our children will be exemplary, until life – and motherhood – gives us a great lesson.
Life is not a story or a movie; it is everything that happens as we strive to plan for the future. And the more we become obsessed with planning how “perfect” ourmaternity, the more life surprises us.
When I was little, I loved to play with babies and dolls. I dreamed of becoming a mother, and as I grew older, the yearning got bigger. I always said that I was going to be a mother at 25, but God wanted me to go at 27, and I also said that I would never let my children go barefoot, but nature sent me a little Indian.
Never say “I will not drink this water”
It happens to all of us. We think that we will bethe perfect mother, and no matter how hard we make, there is no such perfection, because this is subjective. You are perfect for your children, but maybe you don’t always feel like that mother you dreamed of being.
Surely before becoming a mother you were horrified when you saw the children upside down in the sandbox in the square or throwing a tantrum in the middle of the market. It wasn’t going to happen to you, was it? But then life gives you a tremendous teaching.
I will share with you some of the things that I said I would never do when I was a mother and that I do now. If you feel identified, calm down, you are a mother with all the letters.
1 “They will not have contact with technology from early on”
I said it and I promised myself. With my first daughter I was able to support her until she was 2 and a half years old. Already with my second child, the little one knew Peppa Pig before learning to walk. We know that technology is bad in excess, but we also know that some drawings can be not only entertaining but also educational.
2 “I will never send them to bed without bathing”
A few times my kids fell asleep coming home from a party or family gathering. Was I supposed to wake them up to bathe them? Guilt aside, yes, my children have fallen asleep without bathing.
3 “Playing while eating will not be an option”
It seemed terrible to me that children play while they eat. This is how we were raised for many generations. Until I discovered that eating in the company of a dinosaur or a long-legged doll was not only fun but also encouraging to get them to eat more and better.
4 “They will sleep in their room from 6 months”
I don’t know what was going through my head when I thought this. There is nothing cuter for mothers thansleep with our children. When you have a 6-month-old baby, you realize that he can really stay a few more months in your room. There is no rush, as you discover that it is wonderful and reassuring to hear them breathe.
5 “I will not succumb to your tantrums”
More than once, mothers have received each other with honors in “Diplomacy and Cunning” to be able to negotiate with our children. You are not a bad mother nor have you failed because of it, you are human.
6 “I will never give you junk food”
I thought my children would eat all kinds of vegetables at 5 years old. That they would never taste soft drinks until they were 6, and that sausages weren’t food. But hey, there is a parallel world called reality, where all mothers converge sooner or later.
7 “I will be a fun and creative mother”
The reality is that I am not always the mother I want to be. Sometimes I am grumpy and many other times I don’t feel like being that fun, 100% predisposed mom I promised myself.
8 “They will always be clean and well dressed”
I love that my children are well groomed, perfumed and with clean clothes. But I no longer have dolls, but children. And now I understand that a happy boy He is the one who rolls on the floor, plays with mud and splashes in puddles. Clothes are washed, and those moments are etched in the heart.
9 “I’ll never yell at them”
One of the premises that I most hate not fulfilling. I thought I never would, but on more than one occasion I have raised my voice to my children, later feeling guilty and sad. While at other times, I need to say things in a firmer tone so that they can hear me, without screaming or being hurtful, but serious and forceful.
10 “I will teach them to order and they will never leave their toys lying around”
Yes, that’s how deluded I’ve been. All mothers know that our children do not order by magic, but we must be there, behind them, asking them to order. More when they have dozens of toys and things to have fun with.
If you have felt identified with these phrases, congratulations! You are a real mother, made of flesh and blood. It is not about being the perfect mother in the eyes of the world, but about being that mother that your children need every day. Ahead!